spilling the beans

my daughter, the nerd...

Well I bought Zoe a present today. She's at home sick with a cold - which if left unchecked in cold air can set off her asthma - and has been a trooper. She was so excited when I gave it to her, she nearly cried. It was a bloody DICTIONARY! It's official, Zoe is a nerd, a geek, one of those kids that forever has their nose in a book, has more questions than I have answers and genuinely enjoys learning and exploring the world. Now, I don't see anything wrong with any of this. I love her more than I ever thought possible, but my god I'm scared for her!

You see I was also a geek, the nerd, the straight A student who was endlessly picked on, laughed at and generally just made fun of at school. Admittedly not so much in primary school, but at high school...it was horrible. It never seemed to bother me too much but then again I wasn't "THE" nerd of the school. You know the kid that reads the dictionary on the bus? The one whose socks were always perfectly aligned with one another at right angles to the hypotenuse of the blah blah blah.....Every school has one. It's as compulsory as a school bully.

Anyway, back to the point. I'm scared Zoe is going to be that kid. As a parent I'm torn. Do I continue encouraging and developing Zoe's special talents and desires for learning? Or do I persuade her that sports, and cool clothes are far more important? Do I buy her a hard cover Encyclopedia? Or do I get her a karaoke machine with all her friends favorite songs on it? Do I throw out the dictionary and buy some paper doll books instead? Do I embrace the nerdness and simply beat up any who dare pick on her? Or do I make her a superficial "Cool kid?"

Having been the geek at school, I wouldn't wish some of what I experienced upon anyone. At the same time I WISH I had the same opportunities that she will receive as a result of better education system that caters for those like her. Perhaps some of my schooling experiences would have been more enjoyable had I been challenged, and worked with other kids like myself. When all is said and done, I didn't turn out too bad, and whilst there are some tough memories from school, some of the best times of my life are also from that time. But for that poor bloke who used to read the dictionary on the school bus (yes there really was a kid at our school who was THAT much of a nerd) his life must have been a living nightmare....not that I think he honestly saw it that way, I don't think he gave a rats ass!

I want Zoe to be happy, in whatever capacity she chooses. But I find myself already pushing her. Not in a scholarly fashion, in fact its the dead opposite. I have to push her out the door and say 'just go play!' On the school holidays she nearly cried when I wouldn't let her start her 'homework' (the pile of worksheets her teacher generously let me gather at Zoe's request) on Good Friday. I told her NO, you need a break Zoe, just enjoy yourself, and your toys, and being outside looking for bugs and getting dirty and all those things that you do as a child. But am I doing that for her? Or for me? Am I simply scared that she'll become that nerd kid we all picked on in school and can't bear the thought of watching it? What if thats she wants to be? Do I have the right to try and make her something other than what she is, or will become? How much of our influence as a parent do we have the right to exercise when it comes to who our children will become?

I guess that no matter what we do, our children are ultimately responsible for the person they will be, but the responsibility of guiding them along their journey is as heartbreakingly difficult as it is joyous. I doubt my decisions and abilities as a mother every day, and have done so since the day she was born. I guess I should be concerned if I ever stop doing that, it means I don't give a shit.

p.s THE NERD from our school? He's now working for NASA.....

damn I smell good!

I've just had a shower....yes I know it's nearly midnight, but I dont care!

Between the chocolate truffle body wash, and the fruit based shampoo and conditioner, I smell like a new McDonalds Sundae flavor....

Hope your weekend was a good one. That is all.

feel good friday

It's been awhile since I did a 'feel good friday' post, and thought I'd better get off my slack tushi and do one. I'm having a shitty day so I REALLY need to do this one today....here's the things that made me feel good:

• Zoe wasn't a feral monster - unlike yesterday, ask me about it only if you have 3 hours to spare!
• I was on canteen duty at school, felt a little useful...
• My first coffee tasted sooooo yummo, or maybe it was the tim tam that accompanied it...not sure, but either way, damn I felt good afterwards...
• I did about 7 loads of washing today, there is not a single dirty dish in the house (except my current coffee mug and a teaspoon) and the lounge room is spotless...my life might be messy but this end of the house aint ☺ Tomorrow I'll tackle the other end...

It's a small, and pathetic list, but I don't care. I've had a really rough day emotionally, so I'm surprised I found anything, but hey isn't that the point? No matter WHAT kind of day you have, there will always be SOMETHING good that can be extracted....

On a completely different note can anyone tell me how scientists, or researchers or whoever finds out crap like how long the attention of a goldfish is? I mean seriously, HOW DO THEY DO IT??? How did the saying 'the attention span of a goldfish' come into being? Is it based on fact or do people just make this stuff up? How would you find out such a thing? And the other question is WHY would you want to know?? And for anyone who ever felt the need to answer such a question, how did they arrive at said question? I mean do people sit on the toilet and think, "Thats what I'll do today. I'll figure out how long a goldfish can hold a thought" We live in a strange world peoples. I hope yours is treating you a little better than mine right now....cheer me up and click on my new tenant, Lou from over at "Life as Lou". She's funny, real, has GORGEOUS kiddies and has a new haircut, so what possible excuse for NOT visiting her could you have??? Go ahead, make me feel good.....cos quite frankly I need it!

lyrics

I started writing some poetry today, as I tend to do when in crisis or extremely emotional, but when I came across the following lyrics from a Gwen Stefani song called "Danger Zone" it kind of went out the window, since this very much expressed almost to the last letter how i'm feeling at the moment...of course it's not exact, but enough to give you an idea of my state of mind at the moment and the inner turmoil. If I ever finish that poem I was doing, i'll post it too. Enjoy.

I can't imagine how hard it must be, to be you

Adopting all your history, it's hard being me too

Are your secrets where you left them

Cause now your ghosts are mine as well

I think it's time I met them and I think it's time you tell

And you should have told me when you met me

All these things I should know

I should have asked, we should have talked

About this so long ago

It's not fair, it's not fair

And don't leave me here

How's this happening to me

It feels so lonely here

We are in a mess, a danger zone

What will happen next, you never know

We are in a mess, a danger zone

What will happen next, you never know

Now we share the closet, now you've let me come inside

And now you're finally undressing, and I feel like I might die

The damage is infectious, the confession is too late

And how can I accept this

How is this happening to me

It's not fair, it's not fair

And I come up for air

How's this happening to me

It feels so lonely here

We are in a mess, a danger zone

What will happen next, you never know

We are in a mess, a danger zone

What will happen next, you never know

You never know

You never know

All of your secrets

All your lies, all of it

We are in a mess, a danger zone

What will happen next, you never know

We are in a mess, a danger zone

What will happen next, you never know

school zone safety

Given the events of recent days, I relished the chance to jump up on my soapbox yesterday afternoon for the local TV station.

Let me start at the beginning. The phone rang early yesterday with a local reporter wanting a comment from the P&C regarding the new 5 point plan for school zones across NSW. After several phone calls and some discussion regarding the relationship between the schools and their P&C, it was decided that if the schools weren't going to comment, then either would the P&C and so we told the reporter she could contact the state president for any comment. (She had made several statements on Sunday after the media release regarding the plan) However I did convince said reporter to come down to the school at 3pm and get some comments from parents. As a parent I could, and would comment as much as I pleased. As district P&C secretary, Stu could not. So the interview was arranged and I went about finding more on this new plan. EVERY news item I found really only had comments from other parties. I ended up ringing the ministers office directly, spoke to a gentlemen there who faxed me the media release. The five point plan includes (this straight from the release):

1. Electronic school safety alert systems: incorporating flashing 40km/h signs and lights, will be developed and rolled out across NSW, with the first 100 to be fast-tracked;
2. A combination of 50 fixed and mobile speed cameras will be installed and rotated between all NSW school zones - operating only in school zone hours;
3. Increased fines sand demerit points for driving offenses in school zones;
4. A 'Drop-off-and-go, Pick-up-and-go" system will allow parents to become more involved in student safety and ease congestion around participating schools;
5. A school Child Safety Roundtable will address further initiatives raised by parents, schools, community groups and the Roads and Traffic Authority.

My comments to the news team were basically along the lines of 'this is all great, and long overdue, however a PLAN is one thing, lets get excited when it happens.' Having investigated the issue a little further, and had more time to think, there are several things that I would like to comment on....

• The flashing light system has been trialled at 43 schools over the last 18 months. My first question, and I'm not the first to ask this, is WHY Zoe's school wasn't included in this trial when the PRIVATE school further up the highway was? Our school has far more student foot traffic ON the highway, and NOT in side streets as the private school does. My second question is, if they have proven thus far to only reduce the speed by 2-3km/h on average, surely a more effective method should be looked at. When people are speeding in a school zone, the ones doing 2-3 km/h over AREN'T the ones we should be trying to slow down, its the ones who are still doing 60km/h. With no ideas where the funding is coming from and the suggestion that corporate sponsorship could be an answer, surely the governments time and efforts could be put to better use, like finding a REAL way to slow people down. Don't get me wrong, the flashing lights are a great idea - if only so people don't have an excuse - "OH I didn't know it was a school zone" However it really doesn't solve the problem.
• The fines will be increased to the next level, ie a $175 fine will now be $225 with all revenue generated by the speed cameras going back into the flashing light systems. Now hang on a second, didn't they just say they don't know where the funding is coming from? Well they should give me a call, cos I got it all figured out. Put speed cameras in EVERY school zone area, and this does two things. It tells the drivers that this is a serious issue. Secondly it will automatically decide which of the states schools should be fastracked. Those with the most income through fines are obviously problem zones and with the income from the increased fines, funding won't be a problem hey? This would ensure that those school areas that have the worst drivers would receive the lights first, AND it's funded. Problem solved guys.....
• Whilst on the subject of fines, I'd like to ask the Minister for Roads, NSW, the Hon. Eric Roozendaal why my child's life is only worth $225? Drivers in this country are well educated (our driver education campaigns are sold throughout the world) on not only the dangers of speeding, but the dangers of speeding in school zones, particularly primary schools. Small children are unpredictable and don't always do the right thing. So when they speed through a school zone, it's attempted murder as far as I'm concerned. Drivers KNOW the POSSIBLE outcomes of their actions. Their is NO excuse. So again, I'd like to know why the fines are so little and why the Minister thinks our future generation is worth less than the price of a COFFIN.
• Having said all that, unfortunately as I stated yesterday afternoon for all of Albury to hear, the increased fines and speed cameras will most likely be the ONLY effective way of reducing the speed of drivers. It's always amazed me that from a distance I can tell whether or not a speed camera is in the school zone. When there is one, everyone is doing the limit, when their isn't one, only around 2/3rds are. I'd like to ask all those drivers why they will slow down to avoid a speeding fine, but NOT for the safety of the children. It saddens me that those same drivers will complain loudly and bitterly about the increased use of speed cameras but will be the first to complain to the government if it's THEIR child that is injured or killed one day. It sickens me that even knowing what can happen, they STILL bloody speed and fining them makes THEM mad....HELLO!!! Who the f@#$ do you think you are to decide that my child's life and safety is not important and that your wallet deserves more protection!

Anyway I should probably get off my soapbox now, but it makes me so mad! And I needed the vent. I do have many more thoughts on both the plan, and the issues I think it will raise, but will leave that for another day.....I will be around, despite the last post, I can't stay away! Thanks to all of you who have sent me your thoughts, prayers and support. It really does mean a lot and helps make what is a dark time just a little brighter....have fun kiddies and I'll seeya all real soon, I promise...

decisions to make

Hey everyone, i'm probably going to be a little absent over the next few weeks if not longer. I have some decisions to make, and issues to deal with that unfortunately you can't help me with. I won't elaborate on what is happening, but will say that recently a trust was betrayed, a heart has nearly been broken and i'm struggling with things I never thought I'd have to think about let alone deal with.

I am, and will be, ok. But for now my posts will probably degenerate into bum fluff, links, and cute pics of dogs with heart shaped bonnets or some other crap. I may surprise myself and find that the amazing world that is known as the blogosphere will infact become a place of escape for me and I will continue to post, however I do know that it won't be in the same vein as usual, and i'm not sure what this place will turn into in the short term. For those of you who I consider friends, and you know who you are, please bear with me as I work through this difficult time in my life. I will endeavor to continue reading my fav blogs, but I do know it won't be on an as regular basis. Again, please bear with me. For those of you who are here for the first time, feel free to browse the archives and old blogs, as that is where the good stuff is. This isn't the usual atmosphere here at debambam.com

Please know that we are all ok.

Oh I forgot to tell you all, Zoe recieved a principal's award on friday ☺ and is a trooper, I do have a pic or two and will post at a later date. I'm off for now, it's late, i've had a crap nights sleep that started way too late and finished way too early and the munchkin will have me up at sparrow fart in the morning to get ready for school......take it easy ok?

why?

Once again, time has slipped away from me, and it's nearly 3 days since I last posted, shame on me! I know that you, my avid readers (hi mum..) wait with baited breath to read what words of wisdom (or crap) spill forth from the creature known simply as 'debambam.' To keep you going until I get more than five minutes at a time, heres a few questions I will endeavor to answer over the next few posts:

• WHO is Emma, and why will I be pimping her blog?
• Why haven't you all clicked more often on my tenant this week? Don't you trust my judgment?
• Why isn't this issue being talked about more in this country? Are you ready for me to get on my soapbox?
• Why do I think that whilst the school is doing a great job with Zoe, they SHOULD be doing a lot more?
• Just how many more activities can this mum become involved in at the school?
• How much money are complete strangers willing to pay for my unwanted goods at a friends garage sale?
• Just how will this busy little mum pamper herself with proceeds from said sale of goods?
• Should I bring back poll of the week?
• How many of these questions do you really give a damn about and want me to answer?
• How many children can fit onto one newly installed piece of schoolyard equipment at once?

Ok, I'm off for now, another big one tomorrow. Please feel free to offer your own answers in the comments. You know comments make me all warm and fuzzy inside.......

P & C do good!

Well here are some pics of what a P & C Committee can do AND what we've been doing for the last week or so - see all that softfall underneath?!!! I'll post some more later of when the kids actually got to play on it..you can't see the equipment there were so many of them on there!

Birthdays

Along with my mother and other half, the following people are, or would be celebrating their birthdays today.....i'm not usually one for useless info, but babe is, so in his honor, here you go!

• Pierce Brosnan 1952
• Gabriel Sabatini 1970
• Debra Winger 1955
• Lainie Kazan 1940 - free pimp post for anyone with a blog who can tell me who the #$%^ this is!
• William H. Seward, who bought Alaska at $0.02/acre, 1801

And here are some things that happened on this day:

• In 1969 Venera 5, Venus landing. First successful landing on another planet.
• In 1920 Joan of Arc was canonized in Rome.
• In 1929 First Academy Awards were given out. 'Wings' won best picture. Best Actor went to Emil Jennings; Best Actress, Janet Gaynor.
• Congress authorized minting the nickel.
• In Poland, the Warsaw Ghetto uprising came to an end as Nazi soldiers took control of the Jewish ghetto and began mass deportation of the remaining dwellers to the Treblinka extermination camp.

Well there you go, you'll all sleep better knowing that the above all hold the same prestigious honor as happening on the same day that two of the most important people in my life were born!

comments

Just a quickie to let you all know that when I changed the database for this here blog, it reset the post id's back to 0. Seeing as how i've now reached the post id where I began using haloscan on the old database, it was bringing up the old comments for those posts! I've now opened another account at haloscan and associated this blog with that one. For all of those who left comments on the previous 4 posts, I still have them, they just aren't showing up on here....thanks!

happy birthday

To both my beautiful babe and my darling mother (aka anonymum around here!)

Heres hoping you both have a fantastic day and the bones don't seize up as you go about your daily business....I mean you are getting on a bit now hey ☺

Love ya both....

happy mothers day!

To all the mum's out there, have a great day won't you? Bask in the love of your family, enjoy the simple things that the kids do for you and sit back and be damn proud of your status as mother.

We are raising the future you and me....no-one ever tells you THAT when you sign up for this job. All that responsibility. But then again, lets face it, if we ever received a job description, or that bloody instruction manual we're all STILL waiting for, this species would have died out long ago. Even if we had received something, it still wouldn't have been enough.NOTHING can prepare you for the journey that is motherhood. All the crap, all the emotions, all the heartache, all the sleeplessness, all the frustration, ALL OF IT is blown away by four little words:

I LOVE YOU MUM

And that right there is why we go back for seconds.....have a good one mums, you are truly my heroes.

feel good friday - not likely!

I don't think there is going to be a feel good friday post today, I have what Zoe had. She's fine, but i'm not! The day is still young, so I may just be able to russle one up later in the day.

Anyway in the absence of anything worth reading at this site for the moment, PLEASE click on the blog of the week over there in the sidebar, or, just click here. I have a reputation to uphold and due to lack of posts and hence visitors, my stats are dismal this week, so all i'm asking for is ONE click. Pretty please with sugar on top? While your in the clicking mood, can you help babe out by heading over to his blog and doing the same for him? It's his first tenant and there have been so few visitors over there that the cobwebs on the door are getting bigger....

Thanks, you guys are the BEST did you know that?

fingers crossed!

Ok, I think i've managed to get my blogging program working again, and if your reading this then I guess I did hey! THIS time i'll be backing up not only the published blog, but ALSO the user files and database....oh well, lesson learned! Unfortunately it appears to happen at random with this program, but I love it so much I am not finding a new one....i'll just be prepared! All the old posts are still here, just not linked to from this new database yet. Not sure whether to just link to them, or import them...but thats for another day. Anyway in lieu of a long winded catchup post, heres the top ten reasons why debambam hasn't posted for such a long time:

1) Mothers Day giftwrapping for P&C stall - twice

2) P & C meeting, stood in for Stu, took the minutes, typed them up and distributed

3) My bloggin software shit itself! One corrupt file and I can't open ANY of it....grrr

4) I've rediscovered neopets...i'm not linking to it...it's addictive and I will NOT be held responsible for your loss of hours from life as a result of clicking through!

5) I've been catching up with my real life friends...and making some new ones too.

6) Zoe has been the kiddie from HELL - yes mum i've used the word hell when referring to Zoe, go ahead, call welfare!

7) More P & C stuff - I made some fridge magnets, decorated some notepads and made gift tags to sell at for the mothers day stall..the laminator and guillotine have had a workout!

8) Working bee at the school to pull out some old playground equipment in readiness for the new one being installed on Friday, will post piccies of that when it's in!

9) I didn't go to sleep for a whole night :)

10) I have one sick munchkin at the moment....a bit of a tummy bug....bits and pieces flying out both ends...it's not pretty, and theres not much we can do for her either, she's managing to keep down a teaspoon or so of water every 15/20 minutes, but thats about it...so we've both had a very long night with very little sleep for either of us and a whole pile of laundry for mum to do after i'm done resting!

So there you go, the basics. If you want to know more details, send me an email (which can be done by clicking debambam at the bottom of each post where it tells ya when I posted.) Right now i'm off for a shower, then heading up the school to drop the mothers day stuff off. I shall then be coming home and sleeping a bit i'd say! Hope your all well, I haven't been to anyone elses blogs for a while either, but promise I shall do the read aroumd over the weekend..assuming i've caught up on the washing, eating and sleeping AND the munchkin is better...take it easy ok?