spilling the beans

feel good friday

Once again, it's time for feel food friday! Are you excited??!!

Here's what made me feel good today:

• I have been introduced though the school newsletter as the official coorodinator for the Good Start Breakfast Program by our lovely principal.....he also asked for volunteers and donations. I too put in my own bit about the program! So the program got a mention twice, which will help raise awareness and support, and that makes me feel good..
• Zoe has her first admirer! Well that we know of anyway. His name is Shane, he turns 6 tomorrow and he's as cute as a button. He wants to take Zoe to the movies on Tuesday (for his birthday) and share his popcorn with her.....isn't that just adorable??!
• I got a phone call back from the lady who coordinates the local support group for carers of those with a mental illness. There is a group that meets once a month, and she also hooks people up in between if it's needed...ie if I need someone to chat to she will give someone a call and organise for us to meet for coffee! She was very interested in the website I have setup and we've arranged to get together on Wednesday morning to have a chat! At Hudson. They sell coffee. So coffee and someone to talk to about my life. That makes me feel good..
• A nanna nap - a few hours sleep this afternoon made me feel good..

What made you feel good today?

Have a good weekend people...

when is enough enough?

Ok, I apologise in advance for the cryptic nature of this post, and for any incoherancy and/or straight out babbling that may follow....this is simply a VENT post that I need to do, but details will NOT be forthcoming anytime soon, so please don't ask ok?

At what point do you STOP making an effort on something that is SUPPOSED to be a two way street? How long do you keep trying, and smiling, and pretending to be pleased about what your doing? How much energy and emotion do you expend when it seems that only one is playing the game? When is enough enough, if it's someone else's life your playing with? When do you just give up on something that isn't yours to give up?

I was extremely disappointed and disheartened today by someone who is supposed to give a shit. Someone who DOES give a shit deep down, but can't seem to find the energy, or the time, or even be excited about something so precious that some people can only DREAM about having it in their lives. Someone who unfortunately will always have the right to ask for it. And will probably get it. No matter what.

I'm pissed as hell. Call it a gut feeling. Call it women's intuition. But I get the feeling that i'm ALWAYS going to be the one making the fuckin effort. Nothing has been said that I could use as cold hard evidence, in fact everything said has been the RIGHT things. But it's what is NOT being said that upsets me more than anything. It's the questions that are never asked. It's the acceptance that the pitiful amount I offer freely is enough. It's the lack of contact unless I initiate it. It's the time now lost forever. It's the memories that will never be created. It's the choice that I HAVE to protect because it's not my choice to make. It's the 'I can take it or leave it' attitude to an offer that by all rights I shouldn't have to offer. I've done my time. I've done the hard bit. I've done all the hard work. But you know what? I will KEEP doing it. And I will shut my mouth about how much that pisses me off and leave door open incase someone wants to walk through it. It's not my door to close. And some people will never know how much it costs me to hold it open. Some things in life are just the burden of a responsibility that was thrust upon me by forces I don't understand and I accept that. I don't have to like it. But I accept it.

Sometimes I wish I could just let that door go, just to see if the person on the other side has the guts to hold out their hand and stop it closing......but of course that would require effort now wouldn't it?

reason i haven't been bloggin much

Well there are a couple, but that pic above is why I wasn't around on the weekend, I had 3 munchkins here for most of it and the house is still in disarray! But that's cool....they all had fun.

The other reason is that I'm now the coordinator for the brekky club at the school, which means I'm there every morning and that I'm off next week to get my first aid certificate and all sorts of other things!

Also recently got an email addy of an old school friend...very cool, looking forward to catching up on around 5 years worth of goss!

Oh by the way I've done a post over at Chris's place, check that out here and be sure to get clickin on my renter, his time is running low and you don't want to miss out!

Take it easy folks and I'll be back on deck before long, and that means catching up on all your blogs too.....I been bad blogger AND bad reader....

p.s that feral mood is all gone now...hehehehehehe

feel good friday

What made me feel good today?

• Chocolate
• Zoe
• Drugs
• Coffee

Nothing else to say, quite frankly i'm a b@#$h of a mood and it's NOT just pms! Theres more than this list but it's tarnished by my feralness right now...

What made you feel good today?

just a quickie

....and not the kind that I know some of you are thinking of!

• Go take a peek at my newest tenant..he's funny, sarcastic, and sees things in a way that reminds me of myself...slightly warped and outside the box. You won't regret it, but be warned, don't read while drinking coffee ok? It's just easier than wiping it off your screen...
• I have an interesting meeting this afternoon, will tell you all about it later tonight..in the meantime, wish me luck!
• Zoe isn't reading at level 26 anymore - she's at level 30. And whilst she's not officially being grade skipped, 90% of the work she's doing now is late grade 1 level. And she's worried about asking her teacher if she can write on lined paper 'cos Kindergarteners don't write on lined paper mum!' More on this saga once i've had my meeting with the principal tomorrow
• We have a psycho cat....stupid bloody thing..

Have fun!

the 'news'

I was reading my rss feeds this morning and as I was skimming through the news headlines, it occurred to me that I HATE the news. Why? It's all bad! It's depressing! Headlines such as "Teens counselled after suspected double murder-suicide" and "Israeli air strike kills 3 children" are common, amongst the terrible things our sporting heroes have done, and my favorite, the celebrity garbage.

Why can't we have some feel good news? Why the sensationalist headlines? I saw another story on that double murder suicide one that began with "Community rallies around orphaned teens" Now isn't that a much better slant on the story? Instead of focusing in the tragedy, this one focused on the support and the good things that have come about as a result of a horrendous event in two young lives. I don't understand why there isn't more of this. How many headlines do you see along the lines of "Good samaritan hands back $100,000 after finding it in the garbage" or "Government LISTENS to public"

As a parent I sat and watched the events of 911 unfold with my infants hand in mine and tears running down my face thinking about what kind of world I've brought her into. According to the media, it's all doom and gloom! If aliens ONLY had our media as a source of information about this planet, what would they think about us?

But just WHO is to blame for such a negative and shocking perception of life? People have been selling news for years. By now they've worked out that they sell more if that news is terrible, shocking, BAD. So are we, the consumers of that news, really the ones at fault for lining their pockets when they do tell us about all the crappy things that have happened? Am I unusual in my need to know about all the GOOD that happens in this world? I really hope I'm not. Would you call me a social outcast if I don't give a rats ass about whether Mr Cruise is going to eat a placenta? Is it wrong that I'm sick of seeing how our governments are spending money on a war that isn't really ours when we have thousands of homeless people on our streets?

I'm not saying that I think we shouldn't know about the tragedies, the wars, the deaths, the frustrated teenagers who shoot their classmates. If we don't know about these things, then how can we find causes and reasons and solutions to help ensure it doesn't happen in future generations? But should the news we are fed be a more balanced mix between the good and bad? There are millions of people out there who do so much good for this world, and we don't know about them. But do we really want it? Like I said, bad news sells. Why is that? Do we only want to know about the bad so that we can feel good about ourselves? I mean how many times have we said something along the lines of 'well at least i'm not robbing __s' or 'hey the kids could be doing much worse things' Are we simply not interested in knowing about the great acts people perform each and every day because we feel our contributions to this world would be inadequate by comparison?

I think it's very sad that I've become so skeptical about the good in human nature that when I read a story earlier about there being more giant pandas in the wild than initially thought, my first reaction was 'great! now people know they are there they will go find them for their own evil purposes!" Is this because I see far too much wrong doing in this world and automatically assume the worst of people? I honestly don't know. I do know that there IS more good than bad in this world, and I for one would like to SEE more of it in our media. I think it's important as parents that whilst we don't shelter our kids from the 'real world' its just as important to emphasise the good side to human nature. But it's not easy finding those things....

have you had YOUR breakfast today?

Thanks to Red Cross and Sanitarium, the Good Start Breakfast Club is now in it's first week at Zoe's school. This program is basically a free healthy and nutritious breakfast to any student who shows up and asks each morning before school starts.

I think it's a fantastic idea which has already benefited many schools across the country and I have no doubts that this school will reap those same benefits. Studies show that up to 40% of all school aged children in this country skip or miss breakfast each day. It affects their behavior their ability to focus and learn, not to mention the physical side effects of not eating correctly. By offering breakfast at the school we are not only helping with these issues, but part of the program is about teaching the children healthy eating habits, social skills and life skills also. Those that are able are encouraged to help, and do as much for themselves as is practical, safe and possible.

The best part about it is NO child will be turned away. While it's primarily aimed at those children who for whatever reason, haven't had ANY breakfast, it's also for those that maybe haven't had enough, ran out of time, or just want the social interaction There is no discrimination based on financial status of the family, where they live, how they dress, the color of their skin or the language they speak. If they can say please and thank you are a student of the school and arrive during the designated time, we will feed them breakfast!

As you can imagine there are a few hiccups, this morning the toasters couldn't keep up, but super seller Kell (i've been told I can sell ice to the Eskimos) managed to dwindle the demand down a little and get some kiddies having cereal instead. The current location on site isn't the ideal one and a move to another building is being considered at this stage, we'll just have to make do if that can't happen. There will also be a learning period for both the volunteers and students in the coming weeks as we fine tune how things are done and it begins to run smoothly rather than looking like quarter time at footy with people crowding round the drinks bucket! Whilst Red Cross run it, each school is encouraged to tailor things to suit their needs to a certain extent.

I'm extremely proud to be part of such a fantastic program and for those of you who live in Australia, I urge you to contact your local Red Cross office and see if a local school needs some help, either with donations of goods, or your time. This is our future we are feeding here, and not just their bodies, but their minds as well We owe to it them, and ourselves to give them a good start don't you think?

p.s You may ask what prompted me to become involved in this. Well that answer is easy - I'm involved in P & C, library, literacy and the canteen, and I thought to myself, gee Kell, you don't do nearly enough for that school, you should get off your butt and do some more!

guest bloggers

This has been the subject of two different blogs I read recently, the first one over at SKP's place, and the second at whiteboard.net, at both I offered my humble self as a guest blogger, and to my suprise (or horror!) both accepted.

It wasn't until I logged onto Chris' tonight that I began questioning my wisdom, and sanity. It's not an easy thing to do you know, write for someone else's readers. Some days it's hard enough writing for your own! But I did manage to string together more than 3 words, AND publish it even. Over at SKP's the pressure is really on, his first guest poster was simply awesome and the comments left were along the lines of "oh shit, how we gonna top that???" But he has the next few weeks booked out already so there is time to work on that one. Over at Chris' it's another story. He's had enough of blogging for the time being but doesn't want the page to become static.....at this stage I'm not sure if I'm the only one posting or not, so why not come on over there and help me out hey??!!

I'm off to bed now, or rather, I'm about to put the computer down, I'm already in bed, laptop on my legs, and electric blanket under me...mmmmmm toasty! Nighty night all....sweet dreams!

Family and Friends Chat

As most of you are aware, or maybe not, babe has been diagnosed with Bipolar, and this combined with some other issues has been the cause of some tumultuous times in our house, relationship and life. As part of this I've tried to find some support as the loved one of someone with a mental illness. And it hasn't been easy! There are message boards that have 15 different sub boards for those who have been diagnosed, and then one for family and friends. It's just not enough. The posting is sporadic and usually people looking for help or support from similar people and whilst it offers an initial feeling of 'i'm not alone' it doesn't really offer any long term help. The information at these sites is helpful but the majority are focused on the people with the illnesses. Which is fine, they need it, and it helps. But for every one of these people there is at least one family member/partner/spouse/child/friend/carer who is totally clueless and has issues of their own to deal with. Well where can they do this? I've yet to find a current page that offers such a thing..

So I set up my own page. Complete with chat room that has voice and webcam, with myself as moderator/goddess/the boss! At this stage, there is just me, and it was originally one for both those with the illness and their family and friends, but seeing as how Stu has set up one of his own, (which I'll introduce once it's all pretty like) I'm going to focus primarily on the family and friends. Besides that's the bit I can help with.

You may have noticed the new theme, and if you haven't click on 'choose a theme' over there and choose the 'not alone' one. This is based on the theme for the site I've set up. The other one is on blogger so they get it all nice and centered like and I can't figure out how to do that with mine!

Anyway, if you know of anyone who is living/loving/caring for someone with a mental illness, it doesn't have to be just bipolar or depression, please let them know about it. So far people are dropping by but for whatever reason aren't saying hi or leaving a message. I'm looking at setting up a message board if there is enough interest, but won't waste my time if there's not! I know that there are others like me out there, let's help each other.....

feel good friday

Once again, it's time for 'feel good friday' There has been a myriad of things over the last 12 hours that have made me feel good, so here are just some of them:

• I'm posting again, after giving up on my bloody hosting providers, I've transferred this blog to a free host until I get it sorted out or transfer where I have the domain hosted...but of course you know that if you're here because this is on the new url!
• Zoe received her Silver Merit Award at school today. The first in her class, the second in Kindergarten (and her best friend got the first one!) and so far, the bloody cutest recipient! She's been receiving merit awards all year as you know, and each one is worth 1,5 or 10 points. You need 30 for Silver. She now has 35....well on her way to Gold, which is 60 points. So hearing the principal tell the whole school about all the merits MY girl has already got, made me feel good.
• Stu made sausage rolls that he is VERY proud of, as he should be, they were bloody beautiful! He felt good, and considering that doesn't happen much these days, it made me feel good.

• I have made an appointment to see the principal about Zoe at school. I have a few concerns that need to be addressed before she falls through the gaps. He's a hard man to pin down so by making the appt, I've impressed upon him the importance of the matter....and that made me feel good.

What made you feel good today?

Word Challenge part II

Okay, heres the rest of the word challenge...

Communication: This word, like some of the others I've chosen, means many things to me on many different levels. Firstly, I pride myself on my ability to effectively communicate with other people on many different mediums. I can communicate my ideas, thoughts and wishes and opinions to anyone, anywhere, anytime. I'm proud of that. It's not an easy thing to do! Secondly communication is the cornerstone of every relationship. Without it there is no relationship. This has recently become a big deal to me and my life. Communication is needed on a daily basis. Even when it hurts. But it's only when it hurts that the healing process can begin. Without communication assumptions and your own imagination can make you go crazy. Without communication nothing ever changes. Without communication we cannot truly connect as individuals, one person to another.

Cuddles: What can I say, I can't get enough of these, can't live without them. If I had to choose between cuddles, kisses and that other thing that two people do, cuddles would win every time. Not that I don't enjoy all those other moments shared between two people, its just that a hug is not just physical. Whether it be between lovers, friends, parents and children, a hug can comfort, heal wounds and soothe the soul. When words just aren't enough, or a cuddle can make a difference.

Choice: Such a simple word really. But it encompasses so much of what I am about. I'm 'pro-choice'. And that little statement kind of sums it up really! I know that abortion is just one topic of many that this statement could and should apply to. Religion, politics, parenting styles etc etc. As long as you're not hurting other people, then the choices you make should be your own. No one has the right to tell you what to think, how to live or any number of things that others try to enforce on us. I'm lucky enough to live in a country that allows that choice and thank my lucky stars for that. It's easy to take this right for granted when it's all you've ever known, so sit and think about what life would be like for you if you were in a country that wouldn't allow you that freedom.

Comedy: They say laughter is medicine for the soul and I believe this. I have been told in the past that I have a sometimes dry and warped sense of humor, and will admit that one of things that everyone I've ever cared about has in common is the ability to not only understand this humor, but return it! Laughing is something that happens in our house a lot and I hope that when Zoe grows up she remembers that. She remembers the fun that we had, remembers the little things we do as a family that help gel us together. If I can't laugh, then I'll know my soul is dead....its as essential my heart.

Chocolate: I'm a women. Once a month I NEED chocolate more than I need the air I breathe. I don't think there is any need to elaborate on that any more! But it is meaningful word to me for that reason alone. And considering the fact that being a women defines so much of who I am, it is course worthy of being on my list.

There you go I managed to find 10 words that mean something to me AND explain what that meaning is, which isn't easy..why not give it a go yourself? Leave a comment and I'll pick a letter for you, or you choose, and I'll link you here ok? Thanks for listening...regular programming will return tomorrow!

**Ok so far Vics has decided to take up the challenge, well I'm giving you the letter "D" mate, show us what you got!!

Word Challenge

Ok, as you know I'm not usually one that subscribes to memes or what everyone else is doing. But I really like this one that I saw over at Vancouver Calling and thought, what the heck! Rules are as follows:

1. You have to come up with 10 words starting with a letter that either you choose yourself or that someone chooses for you.

2. These words must be meaningful to you and you must give an explanation of why each of these words are important to you.

3. If you would like to play the game, leave a message in the comments and I will give you a letter to play with here in the comments section, and then I will link to your blog. Be warned, it's not as easy as it seems.

VV has chosen the letter "C" for me, so here we go!

Children: This word is meaningful to me for two reasons. Firstly, I was told once that I may never have children. Biggest problem with this? The only thing that I definitely knew I wanted to be from early in life, was a mum: I wanted my own children. Of course now I know I could have been a mum without actually giving birth. But at the time it nearly destroyed me. So when Zoe came along, my dream literally came true. I had my own child. I felt complete. I was whole. THIS was my purpose in life. Secondly, children are our future. What we teach them today, they live tomorrow. Children are our most important asset. We need to take better care of them, need to value them as humans, need to protect them until they can do it themselves. A friend recently said that she loved how I interacted with children. Well this is the reason why, they are 'apprentice people' as someone I know once said, and I think they are our most valued resource.

Country: By country I mean 'the country' as opposed to the city. I've spent most of my life living in country or rural areas and it has shaped who I am and what I will become. There is a serenity about the country that calms the soul, allows you to hear yourself think and offers the chance to be introspective in a way that can't be found in the city. I've lived in both so I know the difference! Some are 'city folk', some are 'country folk'. I'm the latter. Plain and simple.

Commitment: This is a very important word to me, particularly at the moment. Some of you know the full story, some don't. But suffice to say that even if you don't you are well aware of the fact that shit is happening in my life. Commitment is about seeing something through to the end, and is something that at times I've struggled with. I've been working on that, and being a parent has shown me a whole new meaning to the word! Its about not running when the going gets tough, or too hard. It's about giving part of yourself to someone or something else simply because they need it as much as you do. It's about following through on what you've offered or freely given in the past. It's many different things to many people, but to me right now it's about love, and friendship, and giving.

Carrajung Sth: Carrajung Sth is a place we lived for around 12 months. They were the most carefree, fun filled and wonderful 12 months of my life. It was a tiny little area, or settlement (town is too heavy a word for what this place was!) between two fairly major rural towns and was simply awesome. We went to a school that had 13 students until we arrived, they loved us cos they got extra staff! We rode horses to school. In fact if it was daylight and we weren't at school, we were riding horses! We were free spirits in an environment that was safe for us to be that way. We hypnotised chooks. We learnt how to crack whips. We has a ghost in the house we lived in. We had the world at our feet. We didn't know it at the time, but things were very tight financially, but we wanted for nothing. We had fresh air and our imaginations and it was all we needed. If you ever see just staring off into space quietly smiling to myself, chances are I'm remembering that time.

Coffee: This blog is called 'spilling the beans'. At one point in time it was called "Just put that coffee straight into my IV please" and if that were possible I'd be all for it! But then it would lose it's essence. Coffee is a part of me, part of my life and something that I'm passionate about. A really nice cup of coffee is similar to a nice glass of wine. I don't drink wine, but there are comparisons to be made here. The growing of the cherry trees that give us our coffee- arabica or robusta varieties - is very similar to the growing of wine grapes and all it's different varieties. Climate, soil, environment altitude etc etc all influence the end result. It's an art form. It was from working in a coffee shop and the people I met through that shop, that I met Zoe's father. And it turns out that excess caffeine can affect the effectiveness of the contraceptive pill. For these reasons, coffee was in part responsible for Zoe's surprise conception!!! Coffee is often mentioned in my feel good Friday posts for a reason - a nice cup of coffee and the appreciation I have for all the steps needed to bring it to that cup - and there are many! - can make my day seem a little brighter.

INTERMISSION It's 10-30 on Saturday night and that line up there where it says this isn't as easy as it looks is sooooo true! So I'm going to sleep on it and finish this off tomorrow. Slack on my part I know, but to be honest, I don't care! Have a good one guys and if you want to do this, just yell out in the comments...seeya tomorrow for part 2 of the 'word challenge'

feel good friday

Well it's that time of the week, and today there is no shortage of things making me feel good (i'm simply ignoring the things that aren't!):

• Zoe will be getting her Silver Merit award at school next week. You know all those merit awards? Well they are worth points, each type being a different point value. To get silver you need 30 points, and she now has 35!! She received a mini merit this morning and another merit award at assembly today for "interesting comments during discussions". I was too scared to ask what the interesting comments were, after yesterday's post do you blame me??! Her teacher didn't tell us about it cos she knew we were coming up anyway. So it was a nice surprise to hear her name let me tell you!
• We saw Zoe's friend get her Silver award today, and she was thrilled that we came along just for that. Nothing like having a kiddie throw herself at you in a big hug to make you feel good.
• I'm losing my voice. My chest is all clogged up. And my throat feels like it is constricting..it's not, just feels like it. Now that doesn't make me feel good, but the throat lozenges do, they are heaven at the moment...
• Babe is opening up to me more, and he wrote a post on his blog that made me feel good. Babe, I do love you, and REALLY hope we can get through this. With the communication doors more open than they ever have in our entire relationship, I can see light at the end of the tunnel...andI know you can too.
• Zoe's reading is just awesome. So I recorded her reading some last night and thought i'd share it with you all. Just click here. If you can't hear it, or it won't allow you to access, send me an email and i'll forward it to you. Its on yahoo briefcase and i'm not sure how it all works yet..Sharing things with my friends makes me feel good, as does showing off the abilities of my FIVE year old....

What made you feel good today?

oh my...

I had literacy group with Zoe and her reading buddies this morning at school. The SA teacher pulled me aside before we'd started to show me what Zoe had been up to earlier in the week. They had read a book about insect eating plants, venus fly traps and the like. Anyway one of the activities after was for the kids to make up their own plant. Zoe called hers a 'biteasaurus' and it had mouths coming out of the stem and looked great, very cool picture. But thats not what the teacher wanted to show me.

In the books the plants had little talking bubbles with things that the plant might say if it could talk....just to impart more info in a fun way for the kids. So Zoe had drew one of those. Do you know what her plant was saying?

F$%^ off. You can blow up you b???a

I kid you not. She even had the spelling correct, except for the last one, we couldn't quite make that out....

I have an inkling of idea where it came from, particularly when she told me what they'd been discussing just prior to drawing. But my stomach is still in knots.

I have to wonder that even though she doesn't see it, that she's aware of crap happening around this place. She's been defiant, and a little angry. But it could be many different things though. Kids live with much worse things than their parents going through an emotional patch, which is what this is really, she doesn't see any of it so she's not copying us, not that we speak to each other like that anyway! It could be that school is boring her, and it is....it's being looked at by the principal. It could be that she's picking up on mum and dad being upset at times. It could be she is just getting over being sick. It could be a stage. It could be the influence of a friends son <----my guess is this one. But I just don't know!

I do know that I honestly never expected to see something like from her. Well not until at least high school! I mean I never even knew she knew how to spell it for crying out loud....I've gotta be off, have pies to sort and distribute then a training session for the brekkie program starting at the school soon...

You made me spit my coffee!

I was browsing through my fav bloggers last night, and just checking on comments to see what other people have written or if there were any responses to ones I had left, when I read the following:

You need to go take a look here to see the original post and my comment which prompted this reply.

Mate did you think you were going to get off scott free? You just wrote, for all the world to see, "There is nothing wrong with my man juices" Would you like to explain just what you meant by this, and also HOW you know that there is nothing wrong with your man juices?!! You are a teacher and all, and I know you do have a working brain up there (albeit stifled and manipulated by that strict curriculum you're working with!) and have been visiting my place long enough to know that silly comments will NOT be allowed to just slip by without a bit of heckling!! Nearly as bad as that email that mum sent to me....remember that one?? And I didn't let her get away with it either....hehehehehe

I have but one thing to say to you, you made me spit my coffee!

why greek mythology?

Ok, yesterday's post mentioned Greek mythology and how it led me down the twisted roads of a conversation through IM which came to some rather unusual conclusions regarding religion. I also mentioned there would be more on that today....and there will be, but not in the original way in which I was going to! Instead I'm going to share with you why I like Greek mythology, in fact any society which has numerous gods and we'll see where it ends up.....warning, this could be long, boring and so full of guff and bull that you wish you'd never dropped by today, but I don't care, to quote myself "my blog, my way!" This is what you call distraction therapy ☺

Greek mythology appeals to me for one major reason. Balance. Gods and Goddess'. Light and Dark. Night and Day. Masculine and Feminine

The Greek's way of thinking offered variety, choice, an abundance so that no matter the need, there was a story, myth or deity to turn to for guidance and help. Each deity represented something different. Something that also corresponded to an aspect of human nature. Like Dionysus, the God of Wine - he represented spontaneity. Like Eos, the Goddess of Dawn - new beginnings. Its very similar in a round about way to how I see tarot cards. Both sets of ideas revolve around completeness, acknowledgment of ALL things. Of all emotions, ideas, ideals, events etc etc.

When aspects of life, and therefore human nature, are denied and suppressed, issues arise. Problems manifest themselves in other ways, because there needs to be an outlet for the suppressed ideas and emotions. Unfortunately this is how I see some of todays religions. They are by their very nature patriarchal, therefore losing the balance. Their is no light AND dark. There is light, which is good, and there is dark, which is evil. All things evil must be denied, feared and stamped out. But without the dark, how do we define the light? Are they not intricately linked in a way that we cannot change? Without one the other does not exist. How can the human race evolve and develop if we only acknowledge half of ourselves? I am not saying that we should allow the feral side of humans to roam free, simply that we need to acknowledge that it does exist and is NOT the work of some separate entity. The same goes with masculine and feminine. Without one, the other would not exist. And please note I didn't say male and female. They are two separate ideas. One is based on a physical idea, the other a mental or emotional one. We all encompass aspects of both, yet how many of us TRULY acknowledge both sides to us?

As humans we need something to believe in...the societies that had many deities encouraged an individual approach by offering so much choice..todays wants to pigeon hole you and tell you WHO you should be, and HOW you should be and I honestly believe sometimes that this is what has messed us up so much we are literally killing ourselves in the name of GOD. I know that some of you will totally disagree with me on this, and that's ok, after all this is simply my perspective, there is no right or wrong here. I did not live in those ancient days, have no personal experience of worshiping multiple deities and will freely admit I have issues totally unrelated to all this with todays religions so therefore I could simply be looking for ANY reason to bad mouth it. I mean no disrespect to those that do follow a one god religion. To be honest, I envy you your faith, I really do....

I could go on forever about this, citing individual things that I think have been affected, but quite frankly my head hurts so I'm leaving that for another day! I, as always, welcome your comments on how I see things, even if you completely disagree with me, however back up your thoughts. I'm all for an intelligent conversation, not mindless name calling and disrespect for others opinions and beliefs....

greeky mythology and bum fluff

Ancient Greeks were cool. As were the Romans. But the Greeks win it with their mythology stories, I think the were brilliant. They worshipped and acknowledged a multitude of gods. I think they had the right idea. I was chatting to someone on MSN tonight about this very topic and I realised that I tend to see things in a different light, or perspective to most people. I basically came to the conclusion throughout the course of our conversation that I believe today's societies would be much better off if our religious systems were more like those of the ancient Greeks and Romans. But more on that tomorrow, right now it's time for this little black duck to hit the hay. I'm in a feral mood and simply refuse to allow my thoughts run away with me. In the meantime, heres a picture of Eos, the GODDESS of dawn.Isn't it gorgeous? Hope your all having a great weekend!

feel good friday

Ok, it's Friday, well late Friday evening, but who cares! Heres what made me feel good today....

• I asked a hard question that could have been answered in many ways but was answered - "Because I've found someone I love, YOU" - I have hope that things will work out ok..
• Fresh brewed coffee..
• I realised that no matter what is thrown at me, I can cope with it and be a better person for it..
• Some of my plants have new flowers on them!

It was a good day...I did a graphic up for this regular little posting of mine I was feeling so good, feel free to grab it (just click and it takes to you the pic, feel free to link directly to it) and use it for your own FGF post. I do know that at least one person has done one in the past!! Thanks to VV for making my day when I read that....now if you do decide to do this, just drop me a line and I'll link ya! No rules other than please link back here if you use the graphic, and NOTHING negative, no matter how shitty the day has been, there is always something good to be found, even if it's simply that you curled up in bed and hid from the world...what made you feel good today?

word of the day

fart vi (vulg) to expel wind from the anus - also n

Zoe: "Mum, lets look up clown now" - still whispering from looking up the funny word

Mum: "Why clown Zoe?" - still giggling from looking up the funny word

Zoe: "Because I want to see if clowns fart" - still whispering cos she said the funny word

A five year old with a dictionary and a mum egging her on is NOT a good combination........but great fun nonetheless, you should try it!

Thanks for everything guys

Did you know that you, my readers, are the best? My inbox is overflowing with well wishes, thoughts and concern for me at this yuck time in my life. I'm writing today to say THANKYOU, to let you know it is appreciated more than you will ever know and that I will not be subjecting you to the crap that i'm dealing with right now anywhere near as much....

There are more issues going on here than at a political party, and that i've mentioned. They are Stu's issues to disclose, not mine. And it's hard working through them one at a time. Because you can't. They overlap in life, so they need to be dealt with as a whole. I have found some fantastic online support groups which allow me to do this, a new place for a 'the oh woe is me' and 'I need to swear right now' blog where I will be dealing with this side of my life. Please know that i'm working on things, both with Stu, and for me. I am finding I simply cannot make any major decisions right now about what i'm going to do, because I don't have the tools, knowledge or understanding that I need to do so. I do know that I want to help Stu, that I want to make US work if we can, and while there is a glimmer of hope then I will continue to feel this way. I'm seeing and speaking to counsellors on a regular basis, and when Stu's depression is a little more under control and he is stable, then joint counselling will benefit us both immensely.

OK, i'm leaving it right there, I simply wanted to let you all know that I am doing ok, but you won't be reading about it all here. Some things i'll still share, but some I just need to do elsewhere. I don't want this blog to turn into a pity party for me. I want this place to be for the GOOD stuff in life. I NEED this to be for the good stuff in life. I will endeavor to get back to posting something at least once a day, but not making any promises. I'm not online as much these days. Theres been a lot talking happening instead which is a good thing.

Again, THANKS.

p.s get clickin on my renter, her time is nearly up and she's feeling a little neglected, lets face it I been one shitty landlord this week haven't I?!!