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when is enough enough?

Ok, I apologise in advance for the cryptic nature of this post, and for any incoherancy and/or straight out babbling that may follow....this is simply a VENT post that I need to do, but details will NOT be forthcoming anytime soon, so please don't ask ok?

At what point do you STOP making an effort on something that is SUPPOSED to be a two way street? How long do you keep trying, and smiling, and pretending to be pleased about what your doing? How much energy and emotion do you expend when it seems that only one is playing the game? When is enough enough, if it's someone else's life your playing with? When do you just give up on something that isn't yours to give up?

I was extremely disappointed and disheartened today by someone who is supposed to give a shit. Someone who DOES give a shit deep down, but can't seem to find the energy, or the time, or even be excited about something so precious that some people can only DREAM about having it in their lives. Someone who unfortunately will always have the right to ask for it. And will probably get it. No matter what.

I'm pissed as hell. Call it a gut feeling. Call it women's intuition. But I get the feeling that i'm ALWAYS going to be the one making the fuckin effort. Nothing has been said that I could use as cold hard evidence, in fact everything said has been the RIGHT things. But it's what is NOT being said that upsets me more than anything. It's the questions that are never asked. It's the acceptance that the pitiful amount I offer freely is enough. It's the lack of contact unless I initiate it. It's the time now lost forever. It's the memories that will never be created. It's the choice that I HAVE to protect because it's not my choice to make. It's the 'I can take it or leave it' attitude to an offer that by all rights I shouldn't have to offer. I've done my time. I've done the hard bit. I've done all the hard work. But you know what? I will KEEP doing it. And I will shut my mouth about how much that pisses me off and leave door open incase someone wants to walk through it. It's not my door to close. And some people will never know how much it costs me to hold it open. Some things in life are just the burden of a responsibility that was thrust upon me by forces I don't understand and I accept that. I don't have to like it. But I accept it.

Sometimes I wish I could just let that door go, just to see if the person on the other side has the guts to hold out their hand and stop it closing......but of course that would require effort now wouldn't it?