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blogging..

Both Sass and Evan got me to thinking today. Sass with this post, and Evan with this comment.

A lot of people ponder and ask the question, why do you/we blog? I've answered this in the past, and asked it even, not that anybody really bothered answering, but hey, shit happens right? But tonight I'd thought I'd delve a little into deeper into why the blog seems a little more attractive than "real life." (hereafter referred to as RL)

So lets start with the basics. Why do you blog? For me, its an outlet, a way of venting, sharing and expressing in a way that is both me, yet isn't. I can be more than what I am, can show you the bits I want you to see, and take my time when writing. It might take 2 hours to do a post on one topic, experience or opinion. Can you imagine having this freedom in RL? No way is someone you just met going to wait for 2 hours while you compose a coherent and articulate response to the question "So what do you think about XYZ??" It just wouldn't happen! It's also a record of who I am at a time when Zoe only sees me as MUM. Which is fine, but I'm sure, like most of us, there will come a time when she wonders what mum was like when she was younger. So I do this blog thing and print them all out occasionally in the hopes that one day she will be interested in taking a peek. If not, I'll sure have some great reading when I'm older and senile, wondering about this crazy chick who calls herself debambam...

I also blog as a way of interacting with people. As much as we ALL say these blog things are ours, and we will write what we want, if NO-ONE ever took the time to read it or comment, would we bother long term? How long can you carry on a one way conversation before it starts getting lame? No matter who you are, a little validation once in a while is a good thing. Even if it's just a 'YOU SUCK.' And if thats not seriously what your after, then chances are you are keeping a paper diary rather than an online one. I could be wrong, but I honestly think that ANYONE who keeps an online journal wants people to read it. Look deep down inside yourself and tell me if I'm wrong.

Ok, onto what got me started on this track. Evan made the comment "Didn't realise that I would invest 'emotional' stuff in the blog family." He's so right. He may have just been messing with me, but it got me to thinking. Can you form real and valid emotional attachments to people you've never met? I think the emotions can be very real. I've cried for blog friends, I've laughed with them, I've enjoyed their triumphs and got mad and angry right alongside them. But are the relationships based on reality? How much of a person can you REALLY know by reading their blog? I think that this is kind of like the whole BB thing. We get to see a very select and predetermined amount of people and their lives. And lets face it, its the bits they CHOOSE to show us!

I'm the same. You guys see what I want you to see, hear about the bits I wasn't to you hear about. How many of you know the REASON I'm seeing a counselor once a fortnight? Or if it's helping! Or know about my extended family and when explaining to Zoe why she has two dads it was easy for her to accept after explaining all of that to her? Favorite color anyone? How about what I wanted to do when I finished school? What song I lost my virginity to? These are all parts of the tiny details that help make me who I am. So when someone (not specifically you Ev, just in general here) feels they are emotionally invested in me on some level, is that okay to be based on only a part of who I am? Does it make it any less real than those I connect to in RL? You guys probably know more about what is going on in my day to to day life than most of my family.

Which brings me to my next point. Why is it that I feel guilty when I get emails from you all saying 'where the heck are you?' or I don't blog for more than 2 days running, yet it's been over two weeks since I spoke to anyone other than my mum from my family and we are all ok with that? If anyone wasn't I'm sure I would've heard about it by now and seeing as how I made the last 2 phone calls to all of them - not you mum - I figure it's their turn! Having said that, I'll probably spend most of Sunday giving them all a call..But anyway, I was thinking about why it's easier to do that than with the people we meet on the net. I came up with two reasons.

Firstly, time seems to move so much quicker in this world, than in RL. Have you ever noticed that? Don't believe me? Don't read your favorite blog for 2 weeks and then try and play catchup! Not only that, but friends are far fickler and less forgiving in the blogosphere. People will link and delink you quicker than you can say 'blogroll me baby!' Maybe thats because we are offering, and therefore receiving a superficial version of ourselves. Depth takes time. And not everyone has the time. I've been blogging since January and in that time I've changed my fav blogs so often it's not funny. Not recently though. I think I've found my crew who all offer me something different. And I value each and every one of them. But it feels like I've been reading them FOREVER!

Secondly, safety, and a sense of distance. If you come across someone you don't like, or doesn't like you, it's easy to simply ignore them. Remove them from your blogroll if they piss you off. Delete those nasty uncalled for comments. Can't do that in real life can you? You can ignore people. But you can't erase them from your life. What if your best friend was friends with someone you couldn't stand in RL? Makes nights out at the pub interesting hey?!! But here, you can just not read that persons stuff. Nice and easy. No-ones feelings are hurt if you don't read Joe Bloe's blog just because he's friends with Mary who you read daily right? In this day and age of predators too, it's a little safer. You get satisfaction of interaction without (as long as your careful not to post your RL addy and phone number and b/a details etc etc) the fear of being hurt physically. Any form of r'ship offers a chance of being hurt emotionally, but physically, your pretty safe on the net. No-one can punch you through their screen, drag you to their van and do nasty things to you in a back ally somewhere where no-one can hear you can they?

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I've bored you all stupid now, hell even I'm nearly asleep after reading through it all! But I went for a drive tonight and got to thinking about what is so attractive about the relationships we form on the net. And please don't anyone misunderstand me when your reading this. I have people whom I've never met who I call FRIEND, and mean it. There are at least 10 of you out there who I would love to buy coffee/guiness/beer/beverage of your choice one day. I'm merely letting my mind wander after some of those said friends got me to thinking about some stuff....thanks for listening guys.