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thank you..

..all for the wonderful thoughts in the comments of the last post. And for the private emails. They really do mean a lot.

Just to clarify for you all though, I wasn't talking about blogging.

Some of you know what has been happening in my life over the last few months, I mean the not so rosey stuff, the stuff I DON'T write about here cos I like warm and fuzzy feelings. Some of you don't. For those that don't this won't make much sense, and for that I do apologise. For those that do, thanks for you awesome support during this time.

Anyway, it's all getting a little too hard. Now I'm not one to run away from anything thats difficult, and there are times when I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel. My problem is, I don't know if I have the energy and emotional stamina to crawl that far. And yes, it's crawling. I need to figure out WHY I'm still crawling towards that light and decide whether or not it's for the right reasons. Is it guilt? Is it simply "I won't give in?" Is it "I'll prove you all wrong?" Is it loyalty? Is it easier than the alternative? Is it for my little girl? Is it because I KNOW we can get through this? Is it because I don't want to be alone? Is it just easier to not make a decision? Is it because ultimately I really do want what I know is at the end?

There are so many possible reasons for me being here still. I didn't mention love in all of those questions. Of that there is no doubt. But sometimes it's just not enough you know? I guess I need to figure out two things when it comes down to it:

• What do I want and need?
• Am I getting enough of what I want and need?

No matter the circumstances, if the second answer is too different to the first one ,for anyone, then it's time to think long and hard isn't it? That's where I'm at right now. I'm thinking long and hard.

To totally change the subject on you now, here is a pic of me with the son and daughter in law mentioned two posts down. I think this is the first RECENT pic -and you can't get much more recent than yesterday - I've EVER posted on this blog. I'm sure it will shatter any illusions you may have about me :)