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Grandad's missing fingers

Ok, you voted. I listened. You wanted to hear about Grandad's missing fingers. I'll bet you think i'm going to explain why my father is missing the index finger and half of the middle finger on his left hand and is left with little round stumps that cause him to make up new swear words whenever I have no intentions of doing so, but I will offer you this piece of advice:

• Don't let your younguns sit on the back of the tractor poking the shit out of the cutty thingy with a stick when going round a bumpy corner of a paddock.

Ok, enough said. Onto the story you wanted.

We had been for a visit down to see the rellies, being christmas time and all, so Zoe got to spend time with Grandad and was fascinated with, and almost frightened of, his missing fingers. I guess for a kid it could be that way. Mum said he used to draw little faces on them and give us kids puppet shows over the back of the couch with them. But for some it can be a little freaky. Zoe had seen them before, but this time round she kinda shied away from them but at the same time couldn't stop looking at them.

Zoe went through a stage (still coming out the other side actually) of forever picking her nose. I mean it was an obsession. If she didn't have a finger up her nose then I was looking for needle marks because obviously someone had sedated her. Anyway we had been home for a few days after the visit and I was sick and tired of telling Zoe to get her damn fingers out of her nose. In total exasperation I finally told her "You know what happened to grandad's missing fingers? Well he was picking his nose and he shoved them so far up there they got STUCK and came right off and stayed up there!"

She looked at me in total horror, giving me visions of humungous future therapy bills.

Then she replied.

"Is that why his nose is so big?"

This is why you have children people. For comments like that one right there. And for the looks on their faces when you embarass them in front of 100 of their closest friends at their 21st birthday party retelling the stories.