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Did I ever tell you about...when I found out I was pregnant?

I'd been feeling a little off for some time, even been to the doctors and had a few tests done, one of those being a pregnancy test. Nothing was found so I continued to just feel like crap. I was tired, grumpy, my digestive system wasn't what it used to be resulting in issues of a kind that I'd never had to deal with before. At one point the doctor was going to check for irritable bowel syndrome!

Anyway, I'd just kind of accepted that something wasn't right, but seeing as how we could find nothing I just went on living life. Working, playing and putting on the little pot belly that always arrives just before winter. That was until the bad gas started. There seemed to be no rhyme nor reason to it. I watched what I was eating to see if that was the problem, but nothing seemed to be related. So off I trundle to the doctor. It was getting ridiculous. Lotsa gas inside, but nothing coming out where it was supposed to..kinda freaked me out really!

So we go through the usual, temperature, blood pressure, weight, yadda yadda yadda. He asked me to pop up on the table and lay down so could feel my tummy. He pokes, he prods, he feels. He says "Thats not gas, your feeling, thats someone saying hello!"

I was speechless. No speechless is too subtle a word. Flabbergasted. Dumbstruck. IN TOTAL AND UTTER disbelief still doesn't even come close. I think from memory my response was "Are you sure?" He just looked at me and pointed to the umpteen degrees on the wall. He did a urine test just to be sure..that little cross came through in a nanosecond. It was definite. I was pregnant. The question now was, how far along was I? He hazarded a guess and suggested around 4 months....HOLY CRAP! Not only was I pregnant but I was at least a third of the way through!

For most people, this would be startling news enough. But for me it was doubly so. See earlier in my life I was told that I probably wouldn't be able to have kids. After several miscarriages, exploratory surgery and no reason for what was happening to me and my body, the doctors eventually concluded that perhaps my reproductive system would never really work properly. Sometimes it just happens. Whilst they could find no valid reason why I was having problems, I was.

Now, here was a doctor telling me that indeed I was going to have a baby. It was my dream come true. Literally. All I ever wanted was to be a mum. I had career aspirations, I had goals, but they were always changing depending upon my mood. But becoming a mum was something I had dreamed of since I was 16 and had never wavered.

I was a little emotional as he got me an appointment for an ultrasound as a due date would be a handy thing. In the absence of a 'last period' factor that would actually help, it would be deduced from the size of the baby which had grown unbeknownst to me over the last 20 odd weeks. If I thought that the previous days appointment was emotional, nothing prepared me for the ultrasound.

I arrived, with extremely full bladder as requested and waited with about 5 other ladies all in rather urgent need of a toilet for the doctor to call our names. We waited. And waited. And waited some more. FINALLY some were asked to come through, me being one of them. The male doctor was aware of the waiting time, and the fact that there were still more waiting so he rushed through all the different things he was supposed to be looking for and then he said "Theres the heart, can you see it beating?" He turned up the volume and then I could HEAR it. I lost the plot...burst into tears. THIS WAS REAL..There was life in my body and there was it's hearbeat...I was sobbing so much he couldn't see anything properly on the screen now with all the movement. He asked if I was ok. My response?

"Yesterday I thought I had gas, and now I'm looking at a heartbeat on a screen, forgive me if I'm a little emotional"

To his credit, he immediately stopped what he was doing, and whilst getting me some much needed tissues said he would back things up a bit and apologised for assuming I'd had an ultrasound before seeing as how I was so far along. He gave me a few moments to compose myself and tell him my story. He asked if I wanted to know what sex the baby was. I said 'hell yeah, I've had enough of surprises already thanks!' He took a look around and after more time decided I was having a girl. He wanted to be sure so went to get another doctor who had a 100% success rate in determining sex so I could be sure. It gave me a few moments to think. Bad move.

I was having a baby. An unplanned baby. A baby I shouldn't be having. They said so didn't they?? Her father and I had broken up because he had 'been there, done that' with the whole family thing and wasn't sure if he wanted to do it again. I did. Not necessarily with him, but at some point I did. I would be a single mum. Not exactly the rosy dreams I'd been holding close since I could remember. What kind of mother would I be when I didn't even know I was pregnant? The guilt kicked in at that point. How could I not know? How on earth could I look after a child when I didn't even recognise that I was carrying one? Then I got worried. I'd been smoking, drinking, heavy physical work, eating like crap. OMG what if there was something wrong with my baby?

The doctors arrived and I said forget about the sex for the minute, I need to know if my baby has all the right bits in all the right places. They quickly assured me everything was just fine and my little girl was doing just nicely. I don't think I've ever been so relieved in all my life as I was at that point. Turns out that not only was she doing well, but she was 24 weeks into a 40 week pregnancy, over half way already.....doctor was only out by a few weeks!

Later on that night, I'd called her father, I was on the phone to him and we were discussing a few things when names came up. He had two boys so I asked him what girls name he would have chosen if they'd had a girl. He didn't even hesitate. "ZOE" I really liked it. "Ok," I said, "what about middle names? I'd like my middle name" He replied with Amy - his mothers name. So two middle names were decided on. I could see no reason why not and that way we both had a say. (At this point in time he was excited about the idea of having a baby girl and was going to be part of her life) "Alright - so we've got ZOE LOUISE AMY" but it didn't sound right..."What about ZOE AMY LOUISE?" I simultaneously heard "That's IT!" in triplicate as mum, anonypop and her father all agreed. It sounded right. It felt right. It was perfect.

And so she was she.

Zoe at four days old.

And that is how I found out I was pregnant, with a baby girl whose name would be Zoe Amy Louise - all within a very small amount of time. I found it wonderfully ironic to learn that her name meant "LIFE" Very appropriate!