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choices..

I'm lucky enough to live in a country where we have the freedom of choice. Combined with the variety of careers, the options that both women, and men, now have in society and the knowledge we possess as a whole, there are now more choices than ever to be made. But is this a good thing? Are we happier people for it? Sometimes I seriously wonder if we are indeed better off.

As a women, I now have more choice than ever before. I can choose a career, and in any field in which I'm competent. I have the choice of being a single mother, live in a defacto relationship, or even be the one to ask for a divorce. Heck I can even vote these days! But is the choice complicating things? Can I truly ever be content with what I've got knowing that there is so many other options open to me? What if I do this childcare course, and get a job. Am I going to wake up in 5 or so years and think "Gee, what if something else I could have done would be even MORE satisfying?" The same can be said for matters of the heart. Once upon a time, marriage was FOREVER, literally. The only way you got out of a marriage was in a pine box. Nowadays, it seems as though marriage and/or relationships are as disposable as the new age toasters we buy that are more expensive to repair than to replace. And between the world becoming smaller and smaller with sophisticated means of communication and faster means of transport, and the increase in population, the number potential partners has increased exponentially. So are we always on the lookout for someone better? Is it easier to 'replace' rather than 'repair'? Do we bow out too early knowing there are more choices out there? Why are we eternally searching for 'perfect' or near perfect, when 'content' used to be ok?
I've just read this through again, and just want to clarify something. I don't mean this last paragraph to appear as though I'm suggesting people stay married no matter WHAT. All I'm saying is that I think lots of people just run at the first sign of a bad spot, and all relationships have them, rather than try to work through what could be a temporary thing because they think that something better is out there. Many relationships run their course naturally, or people grow apart, or change, things never get worked out no matter how much you try etc etc...

Pay TV vs free to air is one example of where too much choice isn't necessarily a good thing. Here in Aus we have 5 free to air channels. On pay tv with every channel open there are around 40. So how come we are quite content with the free to air, but as soon as austar is in the house there is nothing to watch? I believe that it's because with so much choice, we are always looking for something better. Your flicking through, see something you wouldn't mind seeing, but secretly wonder if there is something you want to watch even more is on, or coming up.

When we have more choice, we have higher expectations. I think this is because we automatically assume there are levels of choice. I can choose this cake and it will nice, but gee, that cake could even be nicer because it's more expensive, or made with different ingredients. We can choose between first class, business, and economy when flying a plane. Even when making purchases we now have much more choice. But again, we always wonder, did we make the RIGHT choice? Was there a better one out there? At what point will we allow ourselves to be happy with the choices we've made and accept the life those decisions have given us instead of looking at the other side and wondering if the grass is greener?

More choice has benefited society as a whole. Medicine, education, lifestyle. These are all aspects which have been enhanced by variety and choice. But as individuals, I'm not so sure somedays. Then on others I think, shit, do I have the "Kona or Hazelnut coffee?' and I think that life can't get any better than this...

men are sooks!

According to this report, men mistake the common cold for the flu and take more time to 'recover' than women. But then us ladies have known that for eons haven't we, and now we have some statistical backup. Who needs stats and online surveys to tell us that men are just big sooky lala babies when it comes to being sick.

First there is 'having a man's look' - when you can't see something right in front of you, or take a casual glance into a room and claim to have searched high and low for it, now there is 'man flu' where you get to take twice as much time off work, feel sorry for yourself and claim to be the sickest person there ever was, has been, or will be all because their nose is a little runny and they occasionally cough!

That right there is why men don't give birth ladies and gentlemen. They'd have one stab at it, never go back or tell their mates how bloody terrible pregnancy and childbirth is, and this race would die out due to lack of reproduction :)

I'm updating this post to add a very appropriate line from an email sent to me today -by anonoypop- entitled "Rules of Man"

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

Life's good

It seems as though I've almost reached everything I was striving for just a short time ago. As of next Friday, the very last piece of my new puzzle will be in place and the next chapter of my life will be well underway.

You see Wednesday night is the first night of our Yoga Beginner's class, I've even managed to rope mum and Mel to come along with me for that one :) We are confirmed and rearing to go. Next Friday I have an interview/orientation for that Tafe course I enrolled in. Seems my application was accepted and a letter was sent out on Thursday, which I found out upon ringing to find out WTF was happening and why I hadn't heard anything after two and half weeks. Not sure whether the whole 'letter is in the mail' was just a line, or whether it really was and my timing was pure coincidence. Either way I don't care. The lady I spoke to on the phone made the appointment for me and I don't see her doing that unless it was fair dinkum can you?

I'm not sure what's going on, but I am totally stunned at just how quickly, and easily, everything has come together. Is it simply my time? Or is the new attitude, the new me, and the longing for change simply attracting all the right energies into my life? Its felt like for so long that I've been swimming against the tide, and all of a sudden, the tide has turned. Everything is right in front of me for the taking, and there is nothing I can't achieve right now. If I wish it, it will happen. So what do I wish for next? Or do I be content with this new life and simply enjoy all it entails. At the moment I'm taking a moment each day to just sit back, and smell the coffee, and revel in the small but extraordinary changes in me and the world around me. The simple things are important again. My goals seemed so out of my league yet I'm surpassing them each and every day with little or no effort. I keep wondering when the bubble is going to burst...

I've been a bit slack with staying in touch with my 'old life' too. Not because it's not important to me, or I no longer care for those people who were part of that life. I think perhaps it's simply that I'm scared to linger too much in the past for fear of not being able to step into the future. If I don't jump completely, perhaps I'll not succeed. I feel bad sometimes. But at the same time know that those friends and family, or parts of myself that I may be neglecting understand that I'm not like this because I don't care for them anymore, but it's just how I need to do this, or else I may not do it. I have no doubts that when I'm certain this new phase of my life isn't going anywhere, I'll be a better friend, a better daughter, and a better sister, better aunty and a better ME.

No matter how much I feel like a new person, and have a whole new life, I'm still the same old ME. I still have the same wants, needs, desires, feelings, likes and dislikes. I think the real change isn't WHO I am, but WHAT I choose to listen to from within, and how I choose to present myself to the world. It's a shift in perception. How I perceive myself, and the world. It's different priorities. The 'to do' list is still the same, I've just rearranged that list into something that I want and need rather than what others need from me. Or perhaps, what I THINK they need from me. Maybe thats been my mistake all along...

Last, but certainly not least, I'm giving up smoking....wish me luck. I think between the whole cleansing of the mind and body, striving for a better health level and a nagging Zoe who reads my smoke packet to me every day and can tell you the QUIT line off by heart along with all the physical negatives, I realised it was time. Hey, I'm on a roll, I've got a pretty good chance of beating it this time don't I?!

"gayism"

This country as a whole is fairly homophobic. Our laws say so, our politicians say so and our censorship says so. Imagine my surprise when I came across this article then. Unfortunately I'm a little cynical about it actually happening, or even that it would happen for the right reasons.

I'm a firm believer in equality for all. And that includes the gay community. Especially couples. The one area that I'm surprised wasn't mentioned in the above article is the welfare system. Currently my friend and his partner can claim full benefits from the government as their relationship is not recognised. So the government are doing themselves out of money the way I see it! If they were in a hetrosexual relationship, they would each receive less money each fortnight if they were claiming it. Partners income would be taken into account and one is working. As it stands, they would both be entitled to the single rates, which are higher. The other thing that gets me is this, surely if you are going to overhaul the law in order to NOT discriminate against gays, the first place would be to allow for marriage or civil unions? The only mention of that isn't from the backbenchers who are looking to introduce the bill, it's from the ACT where they are looking at reintroducing laws to allow for 'civil partnerships' that the Commonwealth Government got rid of earlier in the year.

As individuals, most of us are accepting of homosexuality. Some don't like it, don't agree with, think it's against God's laws and will having nothing to do with gay people, but it is basically accepted as a part of life. If you see a same sex couple walking down the street holding hands, the chances of them being bashed in a dark alley are a little less today than what they were yesterday, and will be even less tomorrow. Slowly but surely gayism is fading and becoming unacceptable. You'd be hard pressed to find someone who didn't know someone who was gay - even if they didn't know about it.

The bit that bugs me the most about the current discrimination in our laws is the message it sends to our children. Our laws are a reflection of our moral and ethical beliefs for the most part. I understand it takes time for those laws to catch up to societies ever changing acceptance levels. Some will never change, some are an ongoing ebb and flow of a societies development. But our children learn in part what is acceptable and what isn't from our laws, so maybe the wheels should turn a little faster. What message are we sending our children when the law doesn't recognise anything other than hetrosexuality in a society that is slowly waking up and realising that a persons sexuality does not necessarily define them? How does my friend explain to his children why our government does not think his love for his partner is valid enough to allow them to get married should that be what they wanted to do? They don't wish to, but surely they should have that choice?

How does a gay parent look into the eyes of his children and explain why his/her love is not ok according to this society, it's laws and our elected governement? In a world that needs more love, not hate, this doesn't make any sense to me.

mother nature

I don't believe in God, not in the conventional sense anyway. I believe in something, I've yet to really define it though. We all spend our lives searching for that one 'something' that rings true to us on a deep level. There are a few words that come to mind that are apt for my basic beliefs. Energy. Universe. Mother Nature. They would all suffice I suppose. There would be some of you thinking that is God. That this is how God speaks to me. I would disagree, but that is a discussion for another day! I do believe in the amazing power of Mother Nature. I didn't realise how true this was until I was pregnant.

To this day I am totally amazed that I created life without instructions, or a manual. I don't mean the mechanics of actually falling pregnant, I mean the rest of it. I didn't consciously sit down and think "Oh it's time to grow a kidney for my baby today." So I look at Zoe on a daily basis and think "I can't believe I did that." What is it about pregnancy and motherhood that convinces each and every single one of us that we are the only person to ever have done so? I believe it's Mother Nature's way of ensuring we take pride in what we've done. When you are proud of something, you try to do a good job of it. I think this is kind of like the large eyes and heads of babies that make them look more appealing so that we want to look after them. It's very sad for me to think that the most powerful emotions I've ever experienced are a result of a species way of ensuring it's continuance, but I guess that is what I'm saying in a way isn't it? Oh well, for whatever reason, I embrace and relish my personal responses to what Mother Nature has given me.

Mother nature instills into us from the day we are born the instincts to survive. We are born knowing to suckle, from which we receive our nourishment. Smiling, crying, laughing. These are all universal signs. Children who speak different languages can still communicate with these tools. Without communication, there is no community. Without community, this animal would struggle to survive. The flight or fight response to danger. It's another of mother nature's ways of ensuring we survive as individuals and therefore as a species. These are only a few examples.

When I was pregnant, I should have taken more notes. All those foods that I suddenly had an aversion to or couldn't eat, Zoe eats very little of now. Those that I craved, she eats like they are going out of fashion. This was true for foods that I could or couldn't eat while she was breastfeeding. Her sleeping habits whilst I was carrying her were indicative of routines she would set for herself once she had arrived. When she was giving me grief from the inside, a bath would calm both her and myself down. From the day she was born, a bath would settle her like nothing else. She never liked being swaddled, despite nurses attempts to keep her arms close to her body because apparently that makes them feel secure. I reckon this is why she was so small at birth. Didn't grow too big because she needed all that room to move! To this day if she has a doona or blanket over her whole body I wonder what is wrong with her. She needs room to move. All those little signs that were there to give me some clues. It's a pity I was so sleep deprived during the first 12 months that I couldn't remember my own name let alone interpret what Mother Nature was trying to tell me...maybe she has a sick sense of humor hey?!

What brought this post on was me thinking last night about a theory I once heard that I think is of Eastern origin that suggests the direction, ie. North, South, East and West, in which you were facing when you are born is the best way for you to sleep to achieve true rest. I will admit that I've moved my bed to another wall of a bedroom and found that sleep is better. Laugh if you will, but I think there is something in it! But it also made me think that perhaps the TIME we are born could indicate what part of the day we are at our peaks. I was born at 10.04pm and am indeed a night person. One of my other sisters was also born at night and couldn't be described as a morning person. The other one was born in the middle of the afternoon and is neither a night nor morning person. Zoe was born at 8.26am and is most definitely a morning person. However as mum pointed out this morning as we were both sitting there wishing she wasn't so damn bubbly at that ungodly hour of the day, most children are! How about you? Four examples could hardly be described as the ideal sample for me to base a theory on, so have a think about yourself, or people you know, your own children etc. Is the time of birth a clue from Mother Nature informing us of the optimum time of day for individuals? Or am I making something out of nothing simply because I look for reasons to justify my belief in the power of Mother Nature?

New look

Ok, seeing as how I've got the new look, the new life and soon to be a new theme around here, I also did a new avatar of myself...it's still a southpark version of me, but I've made a few changes to reflect the new circumstances!! Anyway, heres the new version.

This is the large version so you get the full impact....see the colors in the hair there? They aren't far off the mark, placement might be a little skewiff but you get the idea. The change in mouth reflects the fact that I'm utilising my numerous lip liners and lipsticks a little more often, and the clothing is more summerlike seeing as how I'm hardly wearing any these days in comparison to a few weeks ago...well as much as you can get with a bloody southpark character generator! Still got the fags, and of course the coffee. No true interpretation of me would be complete without the coffee :)

While I'm on the whole new life thing, I am enrolling in an external course at TAFE tomorrow. It's flexible, it's in Children's Services and will allow me to work in childcare, preschool or kindergarten, as a nanny or even as a teachers aide. The best bit is I work at my own pace, do it when and how I want and within two or three subjects, will more than likely be on the books as a part time assistant or relief worker. I've also changed my drivers license to QLD, intend on joining the local library tomorrow and have mum, Mel and myself all enrolled in that Yoga course that will start in a couple of weeks. It's all good!

Oh I almost forgot, how cool is this. There are a few F18's doing training exercises or something around here. Right now it's all exciting to me because it's new, and they are just so freakin fast and watching them do their thing in the air is simply awe inspiring and Zoe thinks they are just awesome. I'll see how I view them in 6 months when they wake me up on my one sleep in of the week and I'm over the 'shiny and new' factor. There are a few things that I'm enjoying right now that have the potential to lose their fun factor after awhile. Like the beach...and all it's sand. Like the garden...and all it's bugs. Like the heat...and all that sweating. I hope I don't ever stop enjoying this though. I mean why is that this kind of lifestyle is really only truly enjoyed by tourists? Just across the way there is a great island that is only a short hop, skip and ferry ride away. A little north we have the tablelands and some amazing rainforests. There are some absolutely stunning beaches here that would be fantastic to photograph. And of course the defense forces. There are museums, ships that have tours when in port, an RAAF base literally down the road from us and an army base that is home to some of the most historic units in Australia. I'm going to try and do at least one touristy thing a month. I don't think I'm going to run out of options anytime soon.

Have a good one people, hope your weekend was full of fun, love and memories.

I don't get it...

...why did Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code create such controversy yet Angels and Demons didn't?

I'm currently reading the latter, and have read the former several times. Personally I think Angels and Demons is the better written of the two, following a formula that I would assume runs through all of his novels. Book starts with a horrible murder, Robert Langdon is woken up at an ungodly hour by someone he doesn't know to help solve the mystery that has religious connotations. Theories regarding religions are offered with some not so far fetched ideas yadda yadda yadda...

What I don't understand is that both novels challenge traditional thinking regarding Catholic beliefs yet The Da Vinci Code divided the world and elicited a response from the Catholic Church, and Angels and Demons hasn't. It makes you wonder why. Is it because it is the more believable of the two? Is it because some of Dan's theories hit a little too close to the truth? Whilst I'm not a religious person in any way, shape or form, I have an enormous respect for all religions, and at times envy peoples ability to have faith. Maybe that clouds my ability to see this clearly. But can anyone explain why one book had such an affect and the other didn't?

Personally I think it has as much to do with religion as it does sexism. The Da Vinci Code suggested (amongst other things) that women had been a little hard done by with thanks to the Catholic Church. That the patriarchal basis of Catholicism was engineered by men with power and knowledge to suit their own needs. So on the one hand you have women reading this book and thinking hey, maybe he has a point. Then you have the men who read it who are maybe just a tad concerned that their power and control may have been contrived rather than being the natural order of things. From someone who isn't religious, I see the theory that science and God are interrelated as talked about in Angels and Demons as interesting and thought provoking as those offered in The Da Vinci Code, hence my inability to understand the stark differences in reactions from those reading the books, the churches and the world in general. Can anyone help me out here cos frankly I don't have a clue!

At the end of the day, there is also this, and I know many have said it before me, and plenty will say it after me. Both novels, are just that. NOVELS. Works of fiction. A bunch of words brought together to tell a story with thanks to one man's imagination.

Love him or hate him, you have to admire Dan Brown's success in generating discussion about this most dividing of topics. I just wish I could understand why it was one book and not another that did so....

emotionally exhausted...

....for all that's going on in my life right now, but mainly because of the 2996 tribute project I've been a part of.

I signed up thinking 'what a great idea, it's the least I could do, and hey it's only one post right?' WRONG.

It's been so much more than that. As anyone who has tried to write a fitting tribute will tell you, it's probably been one of the hardest things they've ever done. How do you write a tribute to someone you've never met? How do you do justice to their life in one blog post? What if a family member or friend reads it? Will they like it? Does it truly tell the story of this individuals life?

These are just some of the questions that run through your mind. Then there is the personal connection you make to this person as you research. As you read quotes from family and friends. One of the ones that hit home to me was a message on a message board dated September 11, 2001 looking for news of Marisa. I just cried for the hope and desperation. I tried to contact the friend but the email address was no longer valid.

I also spoke to Marisa's mother. She had no idea who I was, what I was doing, or what I was calling for. Either did I really. I felt like I was intruding, and apologised if I was. I gave her my name, my website address and my phone number. Mrs DiNardo, if you read this, please accept this as my apology if I upset, or confused you. I really just wanted you to know that Marisa will be remembered. I wanted to be sure that someone who knew her, knew that.

Aside from the emotions that were evoked when writing her tribute, reading others had a similar impact. It's so easy to remember images, numbers, facts and statistics. Maybe thats why history records events like this in this way. It's easier on those of us left behind. But the hard part is to listen to, or read, the personal stories. It makes it REAL. It makes it HURT. It makes it PERSONAL. Some of the tributes are just terrifyingly heartbreaking.

I'll never be sorry I was part of this. I WILL read EVERY SINGLE TRIBUTE if it takes me months. And I will forever be changed for each one I read.

Regular programming will return to normal in a few days here at Spilling the beans I'm sure, but for now, I'm on an emotional journey that is far from over.....

Take care.

it's called CHEATING....

.....when you cut and paste a post you did a while ago back when you used to be on blogger right? Well that's what I'm doing cos I can't be bothered thinking right now!!

Originally posted 27 Feb 2006:

This old blogiverse is wondrous enchanting and at times just like high school! Since stumbling into this crazy, tripped out alternate reality I've discovered it's not really that different to life. You meet people (read blogs). Some you like, some you don't. Some you agree with, some you don't. Some you even gather into a little circle about yourself and you talk about (comment) stuff you have in common. You visit each other's houses (blogs) regularly, and tell the world they are your friends (blogrolls.)

There is no real definition of a blog that rang true to me except one: A webpage with regular dated entries. So simple. No rules, no regulations, no right, NO WRONG. But it doesn't really capture the uniqueness of every blog out there, or the bloggers behind them.

Just like in real life, there are the popular ones, the nerds and geeks, the slackers, the intelligent, the funny, the good looking, the ugly, the fat, the bald etc etc etc. There are those that think they are better than everyone else, those that can and do, those that can and don't, those that just can't and those that try no matter what. There are those that do what they think others want them to do, and those that are true to themselves, those that are trying to find themselves and those that are trying to hide themselves. And just like in real life, and be honest here, how many of us 'judge' a blog based entirely on the first 5 second impression? Kind of still sounds like high school doesn't it? How many times during our teen years did we hear the saying 'don't judge a book by it's cover?' yet still did, and do.

Lately I've come across posts, comments and even articles about this whole strange subculture that is growing on an hourly basis. Take a look at this blog entry here for just one example. It's a corker, Sass, your the greatest. Michael over at smoke and mirrors has recently shared his thoughts on the lack of acknowledgment by some bloggers when linking. I also recently found myself reacting in a very high school like manner when Michael wondered if I'd been to a popular site and then had blogged about the same topic. I didn't, and was quite distressed at the idea that he thought I hadn't thought of it on my own! It got me to thinking about just how much I hated high school and it's cliques, and bitchiness and how much so many blogs I see are just like that. I have one blogger who recently shared some personal info on her blog but hasn't done it in the past for fear of backlash as received by a blogger friend of hers because a VERY popular blogger suffers from the same affliction. How sad is it that someone doesn't feel like they can be or talk about themselves because of possible hate emails (as received by her friend)?

I for one try and treat my fellow bloggers as I would a new person I met face to face. If they say hello, I say hello back. If they take the time to find out about me, then I'll do the same in return. Common courtesy should be as prevalent on this medium as it should be in any other. As should be the acceptance that each person and therefore blog is unique, individual and worthwhile. If you don't like a blog, don't visit it. Don't leave nasty hurtful comments. Would you do that to someone face to face? Probably not. Why do people treat others so differently just because they are on the screen and not in your face? Why do people feel the need to judge and try and define that what a "blog" should be and what makes a "good" one?

And we wonder why war seems to be on of our favorite pastime People have forgotten how to be nice to each other.

it's a world gone mad!

Somethings up in the universe at the moment...things are all askew. Maybe it's pissed about the fact that we aren't going to be classing Pluto as a planet no longer. But with over 120,000 references on Technorati to this very issue, I'm leaving it alone :) Enough has been said, and I'm sure over the coming days, this will only increase. If you really want to know, take a look here.

But something is definitely up. First up there was the visit from dad this week. Which isn't an unusual occurrence. But this one was history making. It was the first time him and his wife have SLEPT in my house. Ever. Apparently it will happen again, this being a little test run that went well according to the old man. While on the subject of dad, it seems that at this point more of you are more interested in finding out about his missing fingers than just what went into nanny's hand! I tell ya, it's a world gone mad. But then seeing as how I know all those stories, I guess I'm a little biased on which one I want you to choose based upon the funny factor. Not trying to influence you here.....hehehehe MUCH!

Next there is the matter of Zoe's hearing ability that worked just fine this afternoon when chocolate covered teddybear biscuits was offered on the proviso that she did what was asked as soon as we got home from school. Imagine my surprise when I find out that those attachments on the side of her head do NOT in fact interpret my voice as something incomprehensible to her far-too-smart-for-her-own-good brain!! I know I know...it's a world gone mad right?

There is also this news item that I found while browsing my rss feeds. Apparently cow's MOOS have accents. Let me know if you laughed like a hyena when you read this one. I know I did. Some people either have way too much time on their hands and/or spend far too much of their time with cows. Either way, I'm thinking this might be an April Fools joke that is either way too late, or just a tad early. Or very very real. Either way I'm scared.

As you can see, something is definitely up with the world right now. I'm sure there are more examples out there, share them with me!!!!