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memories

After a few requests regards my poems -and I use the term loosely :) -, here is a little something I wrote back in September. I write to express myself, so at the time of writing emotions are usually fairly raw and I can't share until those emotions are dealt with...enjoy.

kissing a memory,
too old to remember,
pain still so fresh, but
I will not surrender
who built the walls,
was it me, was it you?
too great to bring down,
if only you knew
my silence betrays,
just how lost I feel,
need to find me again,
need to be real
the taste of tomorrow,
so inviting and sweet,
with yesterday gone,
the worlds at my feet
what will I do with it?
can't let myself down
maybe the numbness
will finally drown
but hope springs eternal
I can still see the sun
if only it shone
then i'd be done

©2006

choices..

I'm lucky enough to live in a country where we have the freedom of choice. Combined with the variety of careers, the options that both women, and men, now have in society and the knowledge we possess as a whole, there are now more choices than ever to be made. But is this a good thing? Are we happier people for it? Sometimes I seriously wonder if we are indeed better off.

As a women, I now have more choice than ever before. I can choose a career, and in any field in which I'm competent. I have the choice of being a single mother, live in a defacto relationship, or even be the one to ask for a divorce. Heck I can even vote these days! But is the choice complicating things? Can I truly ever be content with what I've got knowing that there is so many other options open to me? What if I do this childcare course, and get a job. Am I going to wake up in 5 or so years and think "Gee, what if something else I could have done would be even MORE satisfying?" The same can be said for matters of the heart. Once upon a time, marriage was FOREVER, literally. The only way you got out of a marriage was in a pine box. Nowadays, it seems as though marriage and/or relationships are as disposable as the new age toasters we buy that are more expensive to repair than to replace. And between the world becoming smaller and smaller with sophisticated means of communication and faster means of transport, and the increase in population, the number potential partners has increased exponentially. So are we always on the lookout for someone better? Is it easier to 'replace' rather than 'repair'? Do we bow out too early knowing there are more choices out there? Why are we eternally searching for 'perfect' or near perfect, when 'content' used to be ok?
I've just read this through again, and just want to clarify something. I don't mean this last paragraph to appear as though I'm suggesting people stay married no matter WHAT. All I'm saying is that I think lots of people just run at the first sign of a bad spot, and all relationships have them, rather than try to work through what could be a temporary thing because they think that something better is out there. Many relationships run their course naturally, or people grow apart, or change, things never get worked out no matter how much you try etc etc...

Pay TV vs free to air is one example of where too much choice isn't necessarily a good thing. Here in Aus we have 5 free to air channels. On pay tv with every channel open there are around 40. So how come we are quite content with the free to air, but as soon as austar is in the house there is nothing to watch? I believe that it's because with so much choice, we are always looking for something better. Your flicking through, see something you wouldn't mind seeing, but secretly wonder if there is something you want to watch even more is on, or coming up.

When we have more choice, we have higher expectations. I think this is because we automatically assume there are levels of choice. I can choose this cake and it will nice, but gee, that cake could even be nicer because it's more expensive, or made with different ingredients. We can choose between first class, business, and economy when flying a plane. Even when making purchases we now have much more choice. But again, we always wonder, did we make the RIGHT choice? Was there a better one out there? At what point will we allow ourselves to be happy with the choices we've made and accept the life those decisions have given us instead of looking at the other side and wondering if the grass is greener?

More choice has benefited society as a whole. Medicine, education, lifestyle. These are all aspects which have been enhanced by variety and choice. But as individuals, I'm not so sure somedays. Then on others I think, shit, do I have the "Kona or Hazelnut coffee?' and I think that life can't get any better than this...

Seachange

Ok, I know I promised to do a thought provoking post last night, but to be honest I just couldn't get motivated. It's still on the way, but thought I would update you all on what's been happening around here.....it's all very exciting!

• I had that interview with TAFE on Friday and learned all about that course I was accepted for in a one on one with one of the teachers. Not only will I be able to do the course full time next year with it being flexible enough that I can still pick up/drop off Zoe to school, and not be penalised if I can't make it because she's sick or something like that, BUT it will automatically qualify me for the subsidised fees. How stupid is this. In order to get the subsidised fees, one must be working within the industry. Now the reason people like myself enrol in these courses is to help gain employment in a field we have no experience in. But if I'm NOT working, then I have to pay the whole lot. The only reason I'll get the subsidy is because of the concession card I get for being a single mum. I do not want to wait until next year to start however so I'm still going to enrol in 1 subject, possibly 2. Just means that when I go full time in February, I'll be able to miss those classes as I'll have already done them and receive credits! I'll also get a credit for the first aid certificate I did a few months ago as part of the brekky program at Zoe's old school. It just keeps getting better and better. The second I'm enrolled I can apply for jobs in the industry already...it's all just so weird!
• A complete makeover of my life and myself wouldn't be complete without doing some tweaking around here so there is a new theme, check it out if you have your favorite already chosen. It's very aptly called seachange. (Sorry WC, I deleted the files for your favorite so it won't work..I promise to do another one soon ok??!!) Despite the recent poll I decided to leave all bar the sadness one up...it was the only one to not receive a vote which was a fair call cause it did kind of suck hey?
• Remember that draw I was in for a digital camera?? Well you'll never believe it but I won it! I've never won anything decent in my life except a tongue lashing so to say I was surprised is the understatement of the year. It's a little samsung compact that actually packs quite a punch. It has pretty much everything a girl could want in her first digital and it's already copped a caning :) I need some lithium batteries though...The background on the new theme is one of the photos I took of the beach down along The Strand with some tweaking on my part. The two pics featured in the header were literally taken today. Mum reckons I am just like a kid with a new toy and she's right..I'm having a ball! Expect a few more pics around Spilling the Beans from now on. Just to show I'm serious, the photos on the left there are some I prepared earlier. Quality aint what it should be but then I did compress them just a bit...you get the idea though!

Ok, now you are all pretty much caught up, it's my turn aint it??! I've started catching up on some of your blogs, however with only short bursts of free time, it's hard to devote the proper attention to your lives and thoughts, so I'm planning on sitting down and doing that tomorrow afternoon/evening. We have a full day planned and to be honest as soon as this post is written, I'm publishing it (which is likely to take 1/2 hour so my apologies if you've experienced problems viewing STB while it's doing so) and heading to bed. Hope your weekend is a good one and your having as great a time as I am!!

Update: I've finally managed to publish, but with a slight change..I've disable the entry pages so there aren't as many pages to publish...nothing much has changed really and I reckon most of you won't even notice except I've told ya!

Today is the day!

I have an appointment with the TAFE today about that course I want to do. I can't wait....this is the last thing I really wanted to do and now I'll be doing it!!!

Seems that all the motivation, passion and inspiration that used to help me blog nearly everyday is being channeled into other areas right now as you've probably noticed. I used to use this space as an escape from reality and now the need to do that is far less than it used to be. Not that I lived a pretend life on here, but it's easier to hide from the world, yourself and issues you may just want to not have to think about. I think once I have my whole routine figured out then once again I'll have a set time each day to be here. But until then, I'm thinking that Spilling the Beans will be a little dull. Sorry folks! I do have a couple of posts on the go...one of which I hope to post later on tonight. Of course being online a lot less means I'm not reading blogs as often as I would usually...please don't think it's cos I don't still love you all, or your thoughts and lives, it's just this is my ME time and thats where my energies are focused right now. Besides, mum keeps pinching my blog fodder, or as anonypop so eloquently put it last night "fod blogger!!" I guess it was always going to happen, I mean we are eerily alike in some ways, so when we both see news articles or something humorous, we both want to respond in some way. Nothing wrong with it and I think it's fantastic that she's now let loose on the world. Love ya mum...keep it up and PLEASE don't think I'm having a go at ya here ok?! I have plenty of things still left to say, and will do so when I find the time to do so.

Please all send me your bestest vibes/prayers/thoughts for two reasons. One I'm in the draw to win a digital camera - which would be totally icing on the cake in my new life, and of course the other is the whole TAFE thing. It's actually exciting and a little scary to realise that you may just be about to start on a career path that 2 years ago you would never have thought of and that couldn't be more far removed from what you've known your whole working life. I'm really looking forward to it!

Oh I forgot to mention the Yoga course mum and I started on Wednesday...it was GREAT. I knew I would enjoy it, but I think mum was a little surprised at her response to it. Despite the humorous post she did in which she claims to have been tied up like a pretzel, she really did feel just a little better at the end of it all....didn't you mum?!

Take it easy folks, I promise to have a thought provoking post about my sometime twisted views on the world later on tonight.....right now I'm off to take the munchkin to school then head to the gym now that I have the feeling back in my arms and legs after my first ever Personal Training session on Tuesday..there's also a practical reason I haven't blogged much this week, it hurt to BREATHE let alone sit down and type!

Love to you all....

Life's good

It seems as though I've almost reached everything I was striving for just a short time ago. As of next Friday, the very last piece of my new puzzle will be in place and the next chapter of my life will be well underway.

You see Wednesday night is the first night of our Yoga Beginner's class, I've even managed to rope mum and Mel to come along with me for that one :) We are confirmed and rearing to go. Next Friday I have an interview/orientation for that Tafe course I enrolled in. Seems my application was accepted and a letter was sent out on Thursday, which I found out upon ringing to find out WTF was happening and why I hadn't heard anything after two and half weeks. Not sure whether the whole 'letter is in the mail' was just a line, or whether it really was and my timing was pure coincidence. Either way I don't care. The lady I spoke to on the phone made the appointment for me and I don't see her doing that unless it was fair dinkum can you?

I'm not sure what's going on, but I am totally stunned at just how quickly, and easily, everything has come together. Is it simply my time? Or is the new attitude, the new me, and the longing for change simply attracting all the right energies into my life? Its felt like for so long that I've been swimming against the tide, and all of a sudden, the tide has turned. Everything is right in front of me for the taking, and there is nothing I can't achieve right now. If I wish it, it will happen. So what do I wish for next? Or do I be content with this new life and simply enjoy all it entails. At the moment I'm taking a moment each day to just sit back, and smell the coffee, and revel in the small but extraordinary changes in me and the world around me. The simple things are important again. My goals seemed so out of my league yet I'm surpassing them each and every day with little or no effort. I keep wondering when the bubble is going to burst...

I've been a bit slack with staying in touch with my 'old life' too. Not because it's not important to me, or I no longer care for those people who were part of that life. I think perhaps it's simply that I'm scared to linger too much in the past for fear of not being able to step into the future. If I don't jump completely, perhaps I'll not succeed. I feel bad sometimes. But at the same time know that those friends and family, or parts of myself that I may be neglecting understand that I'm not like this because I don't care for them anymore, but it's just how I need to do this, or else I may not do it. I have no doubts that when I'm certain this new phase of my life isn't going anywhere, I'll be a better friend, a better daughter, and a better sister, better aunty and a better ME.

No matter how much I feel like a new person, and have a whole new life, I'm still the same old ME. I still have the same wants, needs, desires, feelings, likes and dislikes. I think the real change isn't WHO I am, but WHAT I choose to listen to from within, and how I choose to present myself to the world. It's a shift in perception. How I perceive myself, and the world. It's different priorities. The 'to do' list is still the same, I've just rearranged that list into something that I want and need rather than what others need from me. Or perhaps, what I THINK they need from me. Maybe thats been my mistake all along...

Last, but certainly not least, I'm giving up smoking....wish me luck. I think between the whole cleansing of the mind and body, striving for a better health level and a nagging Zoe who reads my smoke packet to me every day and can tell you the QUIT line off by heart along with all the physical negatives, I realised it was time. Hey, I'm on a roll, I've got a pretty good chance of beating it this time don't I?!

thoughts...

Usually when I'm writing a post, I have most of written in my head before I even start. This time I'm going to try something different, just for the heck of it! I'm going to sit here and just write what I'm thinking. About anything, and everything, or maybe nothing at all! We'll see how, and where, it goes shall we?

******

Zoe has been a little, shall we say, testy lately. And it's getting to ridiculous stage. I guess I've been letting her get away with a few things and making excuses because of all the changes. She has slowly been getting worse for awhile now and it's time to put an end to it. Unfortunately the only thing that works at times like this is to totally come down really hard until she's sorted herself out. Shouldn't be more than a day or two from the reaction I got when letting her know what was happening last night. Time will tell on how effective my method is. It's worked in the past so I see no reason why it shouldn't now. But something definitely has to give. She's back chatting, second guessing and questioning EVERYTHING that comes out of my mouth, arguing, asking for the same thing over and over and bloody over again hoping that my answer will change and all the while the sooky la la factor increases 10 fold! I'm over it. Big time. I'm sick and tired of being cranky and arguing back and justifying myself to a five year old. Sometimes she needs to just remember that I'm the grown up and she's the child. Come to think of it, so do I :)

*******

Did I tell you we went and signed up to the city library the other day? They let us borrow 12 items each, thats TWELVE items each! How cool is that. And we can have them for 4 weeks. Zoe got 10, and we found another one for her in the nonfiction section that went onto my card. Oh yeah, she even has her own card, she's ever so chuffed! She got a nice mix of fun and fact, easy and challenging so I was pleased. I got 5 books. One on digital photography, 2 on yoga and 2 on natural magic and the philosophies behind it. The photography and yoga most of you won't be surprised at, but I can see some of you sitting there thinking "natural magic?? WTF??" I love it. I love the spells. I love the idea that different scents, colors and substances represent different things. Now I'm not claiming to do MAGIC or anything, but I love the idea of spells or talismans, homemade scented candles etc etc. I think that in the preparation of these things, you allow your state of mind and your life to be open for whatever it is you are wishing to change. So that's what it's about. I'm not a witch, not about to become wiccan or even chuck off all my clothes and run naked through the forest recreating pagan rituals in the moonlight..although that last bit does sound like fun don't it?!! I'm just reading about things I find interesting and that help me to get my head where I would like it to be.

******

Stu is up here now. It's been hard in some aspects, and cool in others. He understands now why I had to leave and why we can't just go back to the where we were. I need to live my life, and he needs to live his and if we end up finding later down the track that the spark is still there, then so be it, but we can't and I won't, live my life with that being the end goal. So I'm available, and should someone come along, then great. Whilst I wouldn't say I'm actively seeking, I'm looking. I need to find new friends. Not because I don't love the old ones, but because they are too far away to just go hang out with, or go grab a coffee and talk shit. I need the company. Talking with you guys on here is great, but there is something to be said for just chillin with people. Know what I mean? I think that's why I'm so gungho on the activities at the moment. Do things you enjoy and your automatically going to come into contact with people who share at least one interest with you aren't you? Especially if you do it at the same time each week....oh well. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this, just rambling as my mind wanders I think.

******

I've added a new category to Spilling the Beans. I've called it "Did I ever tell you about..." There is nothing on there yet, but will do one shortly. Tossing up between the story of how I found out I was pregnant or the blue tack/waxing incidents with anonypop. Both stories will be told in time I'm sure, so you'll just have to wait and see which one is first. Will be interesting to see which memories I'll care to share too. Am I going to only share the good and funny? Or some of the painful ones aswell. This will be an interesting exercise for both of us I think. I once said that it's an interesting experience looking through someone's blogroll, it gives you a little more insight into who they are to a certain extent. The same can be said for the choice of what they write. Or, sometimes the more telling one, what they don't write about.

******

Heres a pic of the flower box we put to use. It looked so lonely and lost! It's on the outside of a shed/extra room downstairs that is going to be turned into a cubby hut for the kids. Did I mention that we are living in a Queenslander?? (House on stilts for those who don't know!) I love Queenslanders, the house type and the people type. Anyway onto the photo...here it is:

Here's a close up of our choice of plants. I can't be bothered going downstairs to see exactly what they are.

I think I'm going to shut up now, this is turning into a novel......till next time, I'll try and keep the dribble to a minimum!

mother nature

I don't believe in God, not in the conventional sense anyway. I believe in something, I've yet to really define it though. We all spend our lives searching for that one 'something' that rings true to us on a deep level. There are a few words that come to mind that are apt for my basic beliefs. Energy. Universe. Mother Nature. They would all suffice I suppose. There would be some of you thinking that is God. That this is how God speaks to me. I would disagree, but that is a discussion for another day! I do believe in the amazing power of Mother Nature. I didn't realise how true this was until I was pregnant.

To this day I am totally amazed that I created life without instructions, or a manual. I don't mean the mechanics of actually falling pregnant, I mean the rest of it. I didn't consciously sit down and think "Oh it's time to grow a kidney for my baby today." So I look at Zoe on a daily basis and think "I can't believe I did that." What is it about pregnancy and motherhood that convinces each and every single one of us that we are the only person to ever have done so? I believe it's Mother Nature's way of ensuring we take pride in what we've done. When you are proud of something, you try to do a good job of it. I think this is kind of like the large eyes and heads of babies that make them look more appealing so that we want to look after them. It's very sad for me to think that the most powerful emotions I've ever experienced are a result of a species way of ensuring it's continuance, but I guess that is what I'm saying in a way isn't it? Oh well, for whatever reason, I embrace and relish my personal responses to what Mother Nature has given me.

Mother nature instills into us from the day we are born the instincts to survive. We are born knowing to suckle, from which we receive our nourishment. Smiling, crying, laughing. These are all universal signs. Children who speak different languages can still communicate with these tools. Without communication, there is no community. Without community, this animal would struggle to survive. The flight or fight response to danger. It's another of mother nature's ways of ensuring we survive as individuals and therefore as a species. These are only a few examples.

When I was pregnant, I should have taken more notes. All those foods that I suddenly had an aversion to or couldn't eat, Zoe eats very little of now. Those that I craved, she eats like they are going out of fashion. This was true for foods that I could or couldn't eat while she was breastfeeding. Her sleeping habits whilst I was carrying her were indicative of routines she would set for herself once she had arrived. When she was giving me grief from the inside, a bath would calm both her and myself down. From the day she was born, a bath would settle her like nothing else. She never liked being swaddled, despite nurses attempts to keep her arms close to her body because apparently that makes them feel secure. I reckon this is why she was so small at birth. Didn't grow too big because she needed all that room to move! To this day if she has a doona or blanket over her whole body I wonder what is wrong with her. She needs room to move. All those little signs that were there to give me some clues. It's a pity I was so sleep deprived during the first 12 months that I couldn't remember my own name let alone interpret what Mother Nature was trying to tell me...maybe she has a sick sense of humor hey?!

What brought this post on was me thinking last night about a theory I once heard that I think is of Eastern origin that suggests the direction, ie. North, South, East and West, in which you were facing when you are born is the best way for you to sleep to achieve true rest. I will admit that I've moved my bed to another wall of a bedroom and found that sleep is better. Laugh if you will, but I think there is something in it! But it also made me think that perhaps the TIME we are born could indicate what part of the day we are at our peaks. I was born at 10.04pm and am indeed a night person. One of my other sisters was also born at night and couldn't be described as a morning person. The other one was born in the middle of the afternoon and is neither a night nor morning person. Zoe was born at 8.26am and is most definitely a morning person. However as mum pointed out this morning as we were both sitting there wishing she wasn't so damn bubbly at that ungodly hour of the day, most children are! How about you? Four examples could hardly be described as the ideal sample for me to base a theory on, so have a think about yourself, or people you know, your own children etc. Is the time of birth a clue from Mother Nature informing us of the optimum time of day for individuals? Or am I making something out of nothing simply because I look for reasons to justify my belief in the power of Mother Nature?

New look

Ok, seeing as how I've got the new look, the new life and soon to be a new theme around here, I also did a new avatar of myself...it's still a southpark version of me, but I've made a few changes to reflect the new circumstances!! Anyway, heres the new version.

This is the large version so you get the full impact....see the colors in the hair there? They aren't far off the mark, placement might be a little skewiff but you get the idea. The change in mouth reflects the fact that I'm utilising my numerous lip liners and lipsticks a little more often, and the clothing is more summerlike seeing as how I'm hardly wearing any these days in comparison to a few weeks ago...well as much as you can get with a bloody southpark character generator! Still got the fags, and of course the coffee. No true interpretation of me would be complete without the coffee :)

While I'm on the whole new life thing, I am enrolling in an external course at TAFE tomorrow. It's flexible, it's in Children's Services and will allow me to work in childcare, preschool or kindergarten, as a nanny or even as a teachers aide. The best bit is I work at my own pace, do it when and how I want and within two or three subjects, will more than likely be on the books as a part time assistant or relief worker. I've also changed my drivers license to QLD, intend on joining the local library tomorrow and have mum, Mel and myself all enrolled in that Yoga course that will start in a couple of weeks. It's all good!

Oh I almost forgot, how cool is this. There are a few F18's doing training exercises or something around here. Right now it's all exciting to me because it's new, and they are just so freakin fast and watching them do their thing in the air is simply awe inspiring and Zoe thinks they are just awesome. I'll see how I view them in 6 months when they wake me up on my one sleep in of the week and I'm over the 'shiny and new' factor. There are a few things that I'm enjoying right now that have the potential to lose their fun factor after awhile. Like the beach...and all it's sand. Like the garden...and all it's bugs. Like the heat...and all that sweating. I hope I don't ever stop enjoying this though. I mean why is that this kind of lifestyle is really only truly enjoyed by tourists? Just across the way there is a great island that is only a short hop, skip and ferry ride away. A little north we have the tablelands and some amazing rainforests. There are some absolutely stunning beaches here that would be fantastic to photograph. And of course the defense forces. There are museums, ships that have tours when in port, an RAAF base literally down the road from us and an army base that is home to some of the most historic units in Australia. I'm going to try and do at least one touristy thing a month. I don't think I'm going to run out of options anytime soon.

Have a good one people, hope your weekend was full of fun, love and memories.

The new do...

Ok. I spent a stupid amount of money on myself today. Some may even call it exorbitant But what price would YOU pay for a complete makeover that was so good you scare yourself when you look in the mirror cos you don't recognise the person looking at you? Or for a 2 1/2 hour salon experience that included the most relaxing head massage you've ever had? What price would you pay to walk out of the salon feeling like a whole new person? Thats what happened today. I cannot believe the difference in how I feel, nor how I perceive myself.

Maybe it's more symbolic than being just a new hairstyle. But just what does it really represent? I think it's a few things to be honest. Firstly, I now have a very constant and visual reminder that I'm going through a period of change. A very BIG change. I'm redefining who I am and this is a huge way of saying to myself, those that know me, and the world in general, "HEY, I'm not the person I was yesterday." Secondly, it's a change that really only impacted ME. I know there have been many good things that have come about as a result of me ending the relationship, for Zoe, for Stuart, and myself. But there has also been a downside. ALL of us have lost something, cried, and been hurt as a result of something I did. Thats not an easy thing to live with at times. But this hairdo thing is a decision I made that affected no one but myself. I did something that was only going to hurt, or benefit, ME. Lastly, I think it's about control. I'm in control over how I feel, my life, and how others view me. I can, and will, and have made changes to my life, and myself. Each time I look in the mirror I remember I have the courage, and I know I can do more.

You'll all have to be content for the time being with this pic which only shows the three new colors that are on top of my head, and NOT the really short back and sides :) I will try and get a decent before/after thing happening. Biggest problem with that is that Stu has the roll of film with the most recent photo of me on it and he's in another state right now...well that and the fact that every pic I've tried taking of myself today looks like shit. Partly cos I'm using the camera in my mobile phone and partly because I'm still figuring out how to style the new do! I'll try again tomorrow for ya ok? Chow for now, it's time for this shiny and new chicky to hit the hay...  

Zoe's new school.

We went this morning to meet the principal of Zoe's new school. I was already so confident that I'd chosen the right one that her school uniform is already hanging up in the wardrobe :)

It went well. He is lovely, her new teacher is lovely and she is very excited! Because of the differences between states it looked like she would be part of 2 classes - the preschool, which is kinda like kindergarten, and Grade one - both 5 days a fortnight. But it turns out that she can go straight into Grade 1 because she was born in 2000! Yay for her! We thought there might be a few social issues which is why the transition period of both classes was suggested, but all the kids in her new class are 5 or 6, one turns 7 in December, so there is a nice mix, and judging by the words up on the board, she'll do just fine academically. The principal asked her if she knew some of them, and she did - all of them! If she's behind in anything, like maths or science, then she'll be able to focus on those cos she's so far ahead on the language front, but personally I think she'll blitz them. Too many people underestimate her ability and don't give her the chance to shine. I think she's going to surprise herself and us.

I have been invited along to a P&C meeting tomorrow night, so that will give me a chance to meet some of the other parents. If they are anything like the teachers I met today, then I'm going to enjoy this school as much as Zoe will.

We've just spent 3 days at my sister's house, which gave my little nephew and me a chance to get aquainted...it all went well and this morning when he woke up and mum had already gone to work, he was cool with having Aunty Kell and cousin Zoe instead! He's just adorable, reminds me a lot of Zoe at his age, he's going to be a smart little cookie that one. Runs in the family I think :) That and the fact that Mel and I have very similar parenting styles, it's no wonder there are similarities! They could pass for brother and sister too, I'll get a photo of the two of them before long and show you what I mean.

For now I'm off to do a little research. Tomorrow will be the first day I've had totally to myself since I ended the relationship and to be honest, as selfish as it sounds, I'm looking forward to it. I'm going to go and get my nails done, and check out the yoga center in town. I've also got to go the gym and get a schedule so Mel and myself can pick out sessions we can go to. Have fun peoples!