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You are invited to dinner...

What do you think of the main course on offer??!!

We spent yesterday afternoon at the Museum, and this was one of the illusions they had....isn't it cool! We had a ball. Lots of interactive things to do, and of course with the kids having the attention spans of dead gnats they just ran round to all of them before really taking much notice of what it was trying to teach them! My sister's boyfriend and his 6 year old daughter (of whom I will post a similar pic to the one above as soon as I ask him if it's ok!) took us along as my sister was outta town for a wedding. It was good to see the girls have some fun.

In totally unrelated news, Zoe has her first birthday party invitation since being here! Yay! I'm excited for her.

Again on a completely different note, I went to the library today and borrowed a book which I feel will contain some blog fodder....see later in the week. I need to have a good look through it and pick what I'm going to write about....stay tuned.

And just to top of the sporadic thoughts, I'm off to enroll in my first subject at TAFE tomorrow...WOOHOO!!!

I think that'll do. I'm having an early night tonight..need to prepare body and mind in readiness for tomorrow's activities. I also have personal trainer session so need to coax muscles out of hiding!

digital photography

I took some photos today, with my new digital camera (man I'm still smiling over being able to say that!) while waiting for the home delivery ice-cream man to come along our street. I deliberately took one with the intention of turning an ordinary photo into a better one, just to prove to myself that I can indeed take an interesting shot, and that not all the decent ones are the result of pure arse or luck.

Raw Photo:

After I'd played around with it, but only a little bit:.

Now I'm not even close to being able to call myself even an amateur at this point, "interested party" when it comes to photography would probably be more appropriate, but I must say I'm mighty pleased with myself for these! I took the photo with the modified version in mind. I liked the lines, and thought they would look great in black and white, and they do. I'm learning more and more about the Gimp program everyday and it's fantastic. For those of you that don't know what it is, it's basically the Open Source equivalent to Photoshop. I can't wait to see what I can do in a few months once I've learned a bit more about all the functions it has to offer. I'm really looking forward to it actually!

Here's one of the other pics I took too....untouched in anyway except a little cropping. I'm learning what all the settings on the camera do still, so don't critique me too much ok? I just loved the colors and I'm very impressed with how the camera handled them, and the light. Not bad for a little digital compact hey?

I can see I'm going to have fun with this photography thing, just the outlet I've always wanted for my creative side I think, between taking the photo's and messing around with them. I WILL do a course for it one day, this is just way to much fun and satisfying somewhere deep inside my heart and soul for me to not do something about it.

Did I ever tell you about...when I found out I was pregnant?

I'd been feeling a little off for some time, even been to the doctors and had a few tests done, one of those being a pregnancy test. Nothing was found so I continued to just feel like crap. I was tired, grumpy, my digestive system wasn't what it used to be resulting in issues of a kind that I'd never had to deal with before. At one point the doctor was going to check for irritable bowel syndrome!

Anyway, I'd just kind of accepted that something wasn't right, but seeing as how we could find nothing I just went on living life. Working, playing and putting on the little pot belly that always arrives just before winter. That was until the bad gas started. There seemed to be no rhyme nor reason to it. I watched what I was eating to see if that was the problem, but nothing seemed to be related. So off I trundle to the doctor. It was getting ridiculous. Lotsa gas inside, but nothing coming out where it was supposed to..kinda freaked me out really!

So we go through the usual, temperature, blood pressure, weight, yadda yadda yadda. He asked me to pop up on the table and lay down so could feel my tummy. He pokes, he prods, he feels. He says "Thats not gas, your feeling, thats someone saying hello!"

I was speechless. No speechless is too subtle a word. Flabbergasted. Dumbstruck. IN TOTAL AND UTTER disbelief still doesn't even come close. I think from memory my response was "Are you sure?" He just looked at me and pointed to the umpteen degrees on the wall. He did a urine test just to be sure..that little cross came through in a nanosecond. It was definite. I was pregnant. The question now was, how far along was I? He hazarded a guess and suggested around 4 months....HOLY CRAP! Not only was I pregnant but I was at least a third of the way through!

For most people, this would be startling news enough. But for me it was doubly so. See earlier in my life I was told that I probably wouldn't be able to have kids. After several miscarriages, exploratory surgery and no reason for what was happening to me and my body, the doctors eventually concluded that perhaps my reproductive system would never really work properly. Sometimes it just happens. Whilst they could find no valid reason why I was having problems, I was.

Now, here was a doctor telling me that indeed I was going to have a baby. It was my dream come true. Literally. All I ever wanted was to be a mum. I had career aspirations, I had goals, but they were always changing depending upon my mood. But becoming a mum was something I had dreamed of since I was 16 and had never wavered.

I was a little emotional as he got me an appointment for an ultrasound as a due date would be a handy thing. In the absence of a 'last period' factor that would actually help, it would be deduced from the size of the baby which had grown unbeknownst to me over the last 20 odd weeks. If I thought that the previous days appointment was emotional, nothing prepared me for the ultrasound.

I arrived, with extremely full bladder as requested and waited with about 5 other ladies all in rather urgent need of a toilet for the doctor to call our names. We waited. And waited. And waited some more. FINALLY some were asked to come through, me being one of them. The male doctor was aware of the waiting time, and the fact that there were still more waiting so he rushed through all the different things he was supposed to be looking for and then he said "Theres the heart, can you see it beating?" He turned up the volume and then I could HEAR it. I lost the plot...burst into tears. THIS WAS REAL..There was life in my body and there was it's hearbeat...I was sobbing so much he couldn't see anything properly on the screen now with all the movement. He asked if I was ok. My response?

"Yesterday I thought I had gas, and now I'm looking at a heartbeat on a screen, forgive me if I'm a little emotional"

To his credit, he immediately stopped what he was doing, and whilst getting me some much needed tissues said he would back things up a bit and apologised for assuming I'd had an ultrasound before seeing as how I was so far along. He gave me a few moments to compose myself and tell him my story. He asked if I wanted to know what sex the baby was. I said 'hell yeah, I've had enough of surprises already thanks!' He took a look around and after more time decided I was having a girl. He wanted to be sure so went to get another doctor who had a 100% success rate in determining sex so I could be sure. It gave me a few moments to think. Bad move.

I was having a baby. An unplanned baby. A baby I shouldn't be having. They said so didn't they?? Her father and I had broken up because he had 'been there, done that' with the whole family thing and wasn't sure if he wanted to do it again. I did. Not necessarily with him, but at some point I did. I would be a single mum. Not exactly the rosy dreams I'd been holding close since I could remember. What kind of mother would I be when I didn't even know I was pregnant? The guilt kicked in at that point. How could I not know? How on earth could I look after a child when I didn't even recognise that I was carrying one? Then I got worried. I'd been smoking, drinking, heavy physical work, eating like crap. OMG what if there was something wrong with my baby?

The doctors arrived and I said forget about the sex for the minute, I need to know if my baby has all the right bits in all the right places. They quickly assured me everything was just fine and my little girl was doing just nicely. I don't think I've ever been so relieved in all my life as I was at that point. Turns out that not only was she doing well, but she was 24 weeks into a 40 week pregnancy, over half way already.....doctor was only out by a few weeks!

Later on that night, I'd called her father, I was on the phone to him and we were discussing a few things when names came up. He had two boys so I asked him what girls name he would have chosen if they'd had a girl. He didn't even hesitate. "ZOE" I really liked it. "Ok," I said, "what about middle names? I'd like my middle name" He replied with Amy - his mothers name. So two middle names were decided on. I could see no reason why not and that way we both had a say. (At this point in time he was excited about the idea of having a baby girl and was going to be part of her life) "Alright - so we've got ZOE LOUISE AMY" but it didn't sound right..."What about ZOE AMY LOUISE?" I simultaneously heard "That's IT!" in triplicate as mum, anonypop and her father all agreed. It sounded right. It felt right. It was perfect.

And so she was she.

Zoe at four days old.

And that is how I found out I was pregnant, with a baby girl whose name would be Zoe Amy Louise - all within a very small amount of time. I found it wonderfully ironic to learn that her name meant "LIFE" Very appropriate!

Seachange

Ok, I know I promised to do a thought provoking post last night, but to be honest I just couldn't get motivated. It's still on the way, but thought I would update you all on what's been happening around here.....it's all very exciting!

• I had that interview with TAFE on Friday and learned all about that course I was accepted for in a one on one with one of the teachers. Not only will I be able to do the course full time next year with it being flexible enough that I can still pick up/drop off Zoe to school, and not be penalised if I can't make it because she's sick or something like that, BUT it will automatically qualify me for the subsidised fees. How stupid is this. In order to get the subsidised fees, one must be working within the industry. Now the reason people like myself enrol in these courses is to help gain employment in a field we have no experience in. But if I'm NOT working, then I have to pay the whole lot. The only reason I'll get the subsidy is because of the concession card I get for being a single mum. I do not want to wait until next year to start however so I'm still going to enrol in 1 subject, possibly 2. Just means that when I go full time in February, I'll be able to miss those classes as I'll have already done them and receive credits! I'll also get a credit for the first aid certificate I did a few months ago as part of the brekky program at Zoe's old school. It just keeps getting better and better. The second I'm enrolled I can apply for jobs in the industry already...it's all just so weird!
• A complete makeover of my life and myself wouldn't be complete without doing some tweaking around here so there is a new theme, check it out if you have your favorite already chosen. It's very aptly called seachange. (Sorry WC, I deleted the files for your favorite so it won't work..I promise to do another one soon ok??!!) Despite the recent poll I decided to leave all bar the sadness one up...it was the only one to not receive a vote which was a fair call cause it did kind of suck hey?
• Remember that draw I was in for a digital camera?? Well you'll never believe it but I won it! I've never won anything decent in my life except a tongue lashing so to say I was surprised is the understatement of the year. It's a little samsung compact that actually packs quite a punch. It has pretty much everything a girl could want in her first digital and it's already copped a caning :) I need some lithium batteries though...The background on the new theme is one of the photos I took of the beach down along The Strand with some tweaking on my part. The two pics featured in the header were literally taken today. Mum reckons I am just like a kid with a new toy and she's right..I'm having a ball! Expect a few more pics around Spilling the Beans from now on. Just to show I'm serious, the photos on the left there are some I prepared earlier. Quality aint what it should be but then I did compress them just a bit...you get the idea though!

Ok, now you are all pretty much caught up, it's my turn aint it??! I've started catching up on some of your blogs, however with only short bursts of free time, it's hard to devote the proper attention to your lives and thoughts, so I'm planning on sitting down and doing that tomorrow afternoon/evening. We have a full day planned and to be honest as soon as this post is written, I'm publishing it (which is likely to take 1/2 hour so my apologies if you've experienced problems viewing STB while it's doing so) and heading to bed. Hope your weekend is a good one and your having as great a time as I am!!

Update: I've finally managed to publish, but with a slight change..I've disable the entry pages so there aren't as many pages to publish...nothing much has changed really and I reckon most of you won't even notice except I've told ya!